Is it normal to feel nervous about living in a first world country? I'm not sure how else to describe the way I have felt about Singapore from the start. At first I think I just didn't like the idea because it wasn't the plan. Who am I, to try to make and stick to plans. I'm a teacher, a 24 year old, and living abroad. All qualities that make plans unrealistic. If I bet a hundred bucks for every time any of my plans actually worked out I would be exactly where I am....42 grand in debt (thanks American education system!)
It probably sounds quite odd to anyone who hasn't at least travelled to a 3rd country, but in some strange way I am going to miss the absolute simplicity, and the absolute annoyance of it. As I tried to figure out Australian public transit with Matt I thought to myself how much easier it was to pay the same amount to just take a taxi in Indonesia. I want to feel that sense of overjoyed excitement when I find something new in the grocery store that is a taste of home. And sometimes when I get distracted by my smartphone I just wish I could go back to my Nokia that I would lose for days at a time, just because I wanted some time with my real life. And as I sit here blogging I'm wishing desperately I was back in my freezing cold apartment in Albania, curled up next to my oven, smelling an apple pie, and writing this blog on a piece of paper next to candlelight because the power just went out and I don't know how many hours it will be until it comes back on. First world was absolutely what I had in mind when I first decided to start this journey, but lets be real, I am so insanely overjoyed that I did not get what I asked for.
Why, you might ask, would someone want to deal with such annoyances and luxuries? Not only have they made me a stronger person, but that have made me more appreciative of the world around me. I am grateful for where I come from, and the best part about these experiences is that they have taught me the importance of finding who you are.
I am not done finding that person, and I think I'm nervous that by moving somewhere more like home, more advanced, I will lose what I have found, and quit discovering the world around me. In some way I think I'm scared of not having to try to be happy.
But there are benefits of Singapore, and as time has gone on, and Matt has pushed the positives on me over and over again I have fallen deeply in love with the idea of living there. I want to take who I was, and who I have become and make her a masterpiece. I will have the ability to use the passions I have discovered here (learning about and experiencing culture and traveling) and combine it with my passions from home (the love of being outdoors, cooking, live music, and craft beer.)
So, with that being said...
Dear Singapore,
Watch out because I am coming for you. And I plan on being a hard working teacher, a outdoor explorer, amazing roommate and girlfriend, and a kick-ass culture seeker and promoter. So, as the song I'm currently in love with goes, "come let me love you, and colour me in."
Sincerely,
A ready and willing Tiara.