Untitled Blog Post #5

 6/2/14

I feel like a brand new person. I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll be recognizable when I return home in 17 months. I don’t drink the way I used to, I can’t stand most of the music I used to listen to, and I enjoy the pleasures of luxury. Well….sometimes anyway. I’m really not sure who I’m becoming, but I hope I like her. She’s happy for now, so all is well.

8/2/14

Living in a place temporarily changes your mindset. You start realizing that everyone you meet in your life will say goodbye sooner or later. This took me a long time to wrap my mind around, and scared me immensely. Now, I have this person who may just be in my life permanently and it is scaring the hell out of me. It is also an intensely reassuring feeling at the same time. My mind is very confused and I’m not sure if I like the juxtaposition of the two sensations. Frightened and comforted.

22/2/14

Today I skyped with my dad for a bit, which was something new. We didn’t talk about weather or car. Well maybe, but we talked about more, and it was really nice. He got me to thinking that in about a year I’m going to have to make some really big decisions to make about my future. Time to start having fun and living for a little while.

6/2/14

I may have just decided that I don’t want to be a teacher. Funny thing is today was a great day of teaching. Maybe one of my best days ever. I loved, and enjoyed my job today. But I don’t think I want to do it for the rest of my life. I’m exhausted. My 18 students with a partner teacher is exhausting. I cannot imagine 30 students without any help.

Today is one of those days where I’m really frustrated with my journey. I feel completely lost about who I am. I feel worthless. I feel helpless. I feel scared shitless.

Today is one of those days where I want to be settled somewhere comfortable. Somewhere with a garden outside, and a park to walk to nearby, and a place where no matter what the time of day I can call someone who really cares about me because they are in the same time zone. I want roots.

Today is one of those days that was bound to end in tears.

My friend posted this and it is beautiful- “Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted.”
― Sylvia Plath

I have taken so much for granted.

9/3/14

Some days go by just as normal. Others days you look outside and notice that there is a palm tree in the middle of the road. How did that get there? I want some evergreens.

Some days go by just as normal. Other days you go to leave the house and consider putting on a coat. Why do I sweat in March? I want to wear boots.

Some days go by as normal. Other days you go to the store and get frustrated with the price of berries and apples. You search for your comfort foods. I want Reeses. I want frozen yogurt. I want an IPA.

I want things, but I also love those days when I look at the world around me and notice the things I am taking for granted. Palm trees, not having to change wardrobes every 3 months, the delicious $1 comfort pineapple. I have life so good.

19/3/14

What is your passion? Mine is traveling to new places and trying new things. My greatest fear is that I will waste my life away doing things I don’t enjoy and living in a box. Get me outside of this boxed life. I need a vacation. Less than 2 weeks.

24/3/14

Two years ago I was just getting ready for an interview with Albania. I had no idea what my future held. It has been two years of living out my ever-changing dreams. The most important thing I have learned in these last 2 years is that nothing is ever perfect, and nothing goes according to plan. This weekend led to some pretty heavy things from my past coming up. I am so grateful that 2 years ago I was able to put it all behind me and start living this life to it’s full potential.