Singapore and Legoland Malaysia

Last weekend I was lucky enough to fly to Singapore to meet up with my boyfriend’s incredible parents for an all too short 40 hours. Let’s be honest, I was not super keen to go to Singapore when Matt first mentioned it as an option for weekend trips. The cost of the place is altogether ridiculous, but the moment he mentioned his parents were coming I started looking at flights. Matt and his friends weren’t leaving until Saturday afternoon because they were staying through Tuesday and had all been to Singapore before. Those of you who know my traveling style know that I will pay more money, sacrifice sleep, and opt for uncleanliness if it means more travel time. In this case all I had to give up was the sleep, so I left my apartment at 3:00am to catch my 6:10am flight from Jakarta to Singapore. I hadn’t travelled alone in awhile, so I was a bit nervous, but lets be honest traveling alone in a first world, English speaking country is easy as pie. Once I arrived I had no issues at customs, and caught the next train for 2.5 Singapore dollars. I did a few transfers, but thanks to being able to read maps and signs and understand the lady on the speaker I easily made it to my stop only an hour after arrival. I met some pretty cool dudes on the train too. One had recently finished up a week long trip in Montenegro, and Croatia, so we had a nice chat about how cool the history of the Balkans is and how we both want to go back. If I haven’t overstated my love for the Balakans enough in this blog here it is again: Do not go to the Balkans because it is untraveled, super cheap, full of incredible untouched sights, and filled with totally lovable people. If people start going it will be ruined. Therefore if you are reading this you better never ever go.

So a small backstory. I had told Matt that I would simply take my pack with me and explore Singapore a bit on my own for a few hours and then plan a time and place to meet up with him, before we met his parents. Matt said I was silly and that meeting his parents without him wouldn’t be a big deal. Everyone I talked to thought I was crazy, but I trusted Matt, so that is what I did. His dad was waiting on the corner for me and had apparently been waving to every blonde white girl he saw. When we got to the room I was showered with chocolate, a new waterproof case for my camera, and baby pictures of my sweetie(which I had totally asked for)! We sat and they told me stories behind the pictures while we laughed at how silly Matt looked in most. Afterwards they figured I was hungry and in need of coffee, which I was, so we headed out to a nearby café and had, get this (!) a whole grain roll and an Americano. Matt’s mom thought I was being healthy, but really I felt like this was more of a treat than any of the pastries. We spent the rest of the morning browsing the malls, finding and pointing out interesting items. Next on the list was a cool drink. Matt’s dad had been to Singapore a long time ago with the Navy and he kept explaining how different it was. One particular hotel had peaked his interest, and according to him you couldn’t go to Singapore and not have a singapore sling, so we headed to Raffles for 27 dollar singapore slings. Raffles is a famous hotel in Singapore, mostly for its history during the Japanese occupation and has been featured in several books and movies. I read a bit more about it online and it turns out it was originally very close to the seaside.

A very interesting point to be made about Singapore is that a good portion of it is reclaimed land, meaning that they literally took ocean, added in rocks and dirt, and created more territory for themselves. Pretty cool if you ask me.

After our drink at Raffles we went and checked out another mall, got some water in our system and then ate lunch. To give you an idea for how expensive Singapore is we ate a Chilis. I had a burger, which cost 24 Singapore dollars (the equivalent of about 22 USD.) The only plus side to their pricing is that gross beer seemed to cost relatively the same as the micro brewed beer. I was constantly looking for some delicious IPAs.

Brewerkz. Rumor has it they are opening a branch in Jakarta

After lunch we headed back to meet Matt and after a quick shower we were ready to head out again. Matt suggested the nearby gardens as an option for the evening, but also suggested a drink first. Well we ended up at a very cool run down bar first and then ended up at a microbrewery, sipping on beer overlooking the water. There was also a music festival going on in the area for free. The bands didn’t exactly play my kind of music, but it turned out Matt knew a few of the songs and names of the bands. It was excellent to get some live, non pop music in, even if it wasn’t my favorite kind of music. The rest of the night was spent taking shots, drinking beer, eating dinner, and eventually heading back to the hotel for a bourbon and coke.

shots bar

I woke up after my 6 hours of sleep, feeling exhausted and a little bit hungover. I quickly chugged water and packed my bags since I would be rushing to the airport when we returned later, and we hopped in a cab to the Singapore flyer. Matt and I split a footlong breakfast sub from subway (I was beyond excited about the honey oat bread.) and then we boarded our bus to Johor Baru, Malaysia. That’s right. I fit in two countries in 40 hours. The bus trip was awful. Mostly because at the first boarder patrol stop the bus lost 6 people and we had to wait about an hour for them. The second stop wasn’t as bad and I was able to get some water for my pounding head. Mostly I think I was just exhausted.

So excited!

Once in legoland I remembered why I didn’t enjoy amusement parks as we waited in line to take the train ride. I was actually quite happy with the lines for the day. That was by far the longest one we waited on. Legoland was a pretty cool amusement park, mostly because there were so many cool statues built from lego! 

if it wasn't for the ultra large trees you could pretend you had actually seen these buildings. 

We got soaked right away on a water plunger ride, which was an excellent way to cool off. After we had seen everything we ate lunch and headed to the waterpark. Needless to say we were definitely ready to go at 3:00 and our bus didn’t leave until 4 so we just explored the shops and sat down in Burger King (aka Hungry Jacks for the aussies.) It inevitably started to pour right before it was time to walk to the bus, so Matt’s mom ended up buying an umbrella for us to share so I wouldn’t be soaking wet for my flight home. 

The gang building a raft of the lazy river

We did not have any issues on the bus ride home, and once at the hotel Matt and I took 5 minutes to cuddle before they sent me off in a cab saying how much they looked forward to (hopefully) seeing me at Christmas.

Matt asked me a kind of strange questions yesterday. He asked if meeting his parents made out relationship feel any different. I didn’t even hesitate to answer with a very confident yes. Something about it feels like it isn’t just this dream we somehow invented. That makes it sound like our story is a fairytale, which it isn’t in any way, shape, or form. There is something so strange about dating in another country. Maybe it’s just for me because I’m one of those girls who is crazy close to her friends and family, but I feel like meeting family and friends from back home is a necessary step. I explained it to Matt like this: The only people who see us together here are people who have known us here, or for a very limited time. But his parents have known him his whole life, so it is just natural that they would know if something was really right or really bad. Parents have your long term interest at hear, and they have to (essentially) deal with your choice of partner for the rest of their life too. I’m not saying I’d ever base a life decision on what my family and friends from back home said either. There is something to be said for the fact that I have dramatically changed as a person since I started living abroad. But the opinion being there is absolutely an important factor. I have to say that Matt’s parents absolutely passed in my books and according to Matt they liked me too, so that’s a good sing. Now we just have to see what my parents think when they meet him next month. And now for the best photo from the trip:

a younger version of my boyfriend. If I ever decide to have children I want them to have this exact smile please. 

A Better Time and Place

After a long hard day there is nothing like the pleasure of a delicious home-cooked meal. Post intense workout there is sweat dripping down my spine as I slave over the cutting board and frustrating single burner on my gas stove that needs to be relit constantly, as I switch from piece to piece of my well-rounded full meal.

For me cooking is a skill that was honed as a young child. My mother would graciously except my help even though it probably took her twice as long to complete her tasks. She knew that this was a skill that would someday come in handy for me, while all my friends would be eating garbage like ramen and sugary colorful cereals for dinner.

Cooking has become more than a necessary portions of my life and eating habits. It has become a relaxing and rewarding past-time. A skill I strive to continue to improve for the benefit of my future family and friends, and my health.

Chopping and cooking the vegetables comes with ease. I know how to season and marinade them to taste delicious, and as I desire. My 6 months of vegetarianism combined with living with and being friends with vegetarians for several years of my life has taught me well. I stare at the meat sitting in the random marinade (salad dressing) that I randomly added to it yesterday having no idea what I was doing. I wonder to myself how to begin cooking this giant piece of chicken on a bone. I know that chicken on the bone is far better than chicken off the bone, but I also don’t want to get some random disease. I put it on the pan whole, later regretting my decision as I attempt to slice it in the pan without scratching the pan to bits. Adding protein into my diet is part of my new diet plan as I begin to increase the amount of time I spend lifting at the gym. I desire lean muscles. 

The meal is complete and I am ready to enjoy it while sitting on the coolness of the floor in my air conditioned room. I place a piece of chicken in my mouth and chew. It is adequate and I am satisfied with my attempt, but vow never to cook a large piece of meat again, think back to my feeble attempt to cook a ram roast in Albania. I think of my friends and our jokes as we all walked home with a solid piece of mystery meat for Lebaran and not having any idea why we received it, or what to do with it.

The mouthful of marinated zucchini transports me to a better time and place. Suddenly I’m sitting on the old and worn couch on 18^th and Como, listening to records while I aimlessly attempt to study while I eat my fresh veggies post 4 mile run. My mouth begins to crave the cold IPA I am imagining in the fridge, ready to help me through the rest of my study session. I hear my brothers cackle as we joke about Aaron Rodgers being the chosen one, talk about potential party themes, discuss the best upcoming shows we want to see, and when the next grill session will be.

My slightly failed attempt at mashed cauliflower is what comes next. A spoonful in my mouth and I realize that while the texture is bumpy and not smooth the flavor is still there. I mix in the chicken and with a single spoonful I am carried to a better place and time. Suddenly I’m sitting at my kitchen table in Marshfield. I have just gotten done with my day of AP and honors classes followed by my 2 hours of answering the phone, typing numbers into excel and alphabetizing items for filing. My mother places a plate of homemade chicken tenders, mashed cauliflower, and salad in front of me so that I can chow down before I run off to my 4 hour long drama rehearsal. I am a careless teenager, not understand the decisions and responsibilities that lay ahead. 

My food tastes like home, but I am not there. I’m beginning to fear that I will never arrive there again. My meager attempts to create a home for myself here seem pointless and restricted. But then again, how amazing is it that I’ve managed to create any life at all in a place that seems completely foreign in every way?

I look forward to realizing that this was a better time and place. I look forward to making the next home a better time and place. I realize I am looking back too much, and forward too much and I remind myself that the present is now and here. And after a long hard day, there is nothing like the pleasure of a delicious home-cooked meal. And I have just had one.

Sayang

This blog is about the differences, struggles, and benefits of having a relationship abroad.

2 years ago I was a broken hearted 22 year old girl with her whole life ahead of her. I was a girl who had been crazy in love, and who had her heart broken, and had broken her own heart so many times that I thought I was done with it all. I left America assuming that my broken heart would be instantly fixed, and I would be ready to love again. Those instincts were insanely wrong and after my first month in Albania I realized I was on a serious journey to find myself, and once that journey was done I assumed I would find someone to love again. I locked myself in for 5 years of being single, abroad, and living life my way or the highway.

Towards the end of my time in Albania I started to feel comfortable living on my own, and being the 5^th wheel every once in awhile. I had life figured out, I had my routine, and while I was still very self conscious I was becoming far more confident with myself, and happy with who I was.

I arrived in Jakarta convinced I would remain single, but after just a month I fancied trying my hand at dating before I lost all knowledge of how to do it. Dating abroad is one thing, dating in Asia is a totally different story. It wasn’t that I was requesting or even desired a boyfriend, I just wanted some practice so I wouldn’t be out of shape when I returned to America. This is not how it was brought up when I was introduced to my current boyfriend. It was “I finally found a white man for you to flirt with!” As if I had been searching far and wide to find any soul on the earth to date.

I digress from this long and boring story of my past and move toward the point of this post. I am mostly writing this to help sort through my own thoughts, but also potentially to help those of you who care enough to understand my relationship, or possibly to help those of you with my same fears overcome them. Being in a relationship abroad is extremely different than being in a relationship in your own country for so many reasons. Top it off my dating someone from a different country, and doing long distance and you are in for some serious hardships.

our first weekend as a couple

1.  Moving around: So generally if you are living abroad it is not a permanent deal. You will have to deal with deciding where to go next, together as a couple. I loved having my freedom last time I made the choice. I watched my friends struggle to look into visas and work for their partners while I had no concerns about this. Matt and I have discussed where to live next, and I’m very lucky that he is open to just about anywhere at this point. Every time I mention somewhere he immediately looks into jobs there. I’d have to say I haven’t been as open, mostly because of my limited finances. When he mentions somewhere the first thing I think of is the dollar sign attached to a job there. It sucks, but at this point in my student loan repayment it is a major chain that I want to unlock in the next 5 years.

Then you have to take into consideration the difficulties of creating a life together, but also apart. I want to be able to still meet new friends and travel with others no matter where we end up, but I’m nervous that we will grasp to the comfort of each other so much that we will end up smothered and alone, bored in a country we know nothing about. I will definitely be looking into the expat community of the city we eventually choose.

2.  So visas….: Yeah I hate visas. With a passion. They have made me regret my decision to move abroad and have absolutely ended in tears at the pure complications of them all. There may be places I can get a job as a teacher and Matt could come and do some sort of independent work, but he may not be able to get a visa. Of course we have discussed the fact that if we were married it would be much easier, but this seems like a silly reason to rush into a marriage neither of us will be ready for in a year. Then lets talk about the silliness of visas in America and Australia. We looked just for “fun” the other day and my head started hurting just thinking about how complicated it would be. Something about having to get married 6 month after we arrive in the states for certain types of visas. Dual citizenship is even trickier. 4 years in Australia? No thank you.

3. The meetings: Meeting family and friends becomes quite the difficult task, let me tell you. We have both met each others family over skype, which was fine to start, but part of me would just really like to fly myself to Australia for one night to have dinners with Matt’s family in his hometown. But maybe flying to Singapore for one day will have to do. What?!? Yes. This is happening. And I will be arriving before Matt, which means I will meet them without him even present. Lucky for me, my rents are coming in a few short months and will have a whole afternoon with Matt before we leave for vacation. The person whose approval I desire most (My brother) won’t even meet Matt for at least another 15 months, and by that point I will have based life decisions on this thing. Okay maybe I’m freaking out too much about others thoughts, but there is a serious comfort in knowing that your family thinks that your new best friend is good enough for you to spend the rest of your life with. My brother generally knows whats best for me. (I'm not joking...)

right?

4. Friends: Matt helped me come up with this one and it is very true. Our circle of friends is quite small. He has his friends from work and Australia, and I have my friends from work. On occasion we have merged the two groups which has been fantastic, but it is hard to discover more about each other when you hang out in the same crowds and do the same activities every weekend. Trying to make time for the relationship and my friends has been a serious difficulty for me, and I also secretly worry about how my small group of friends would be split in half if me and Matt broke up (but this won’t happen, right?) You would think making friends abroad would be easier, and it probably is in other cities, but in Jakarta getting around is tough, so to make it to other areas with new people can be difficult.

5. The other difficult thing for me is that Matt hasn’t really seen me in my element yet. I find it really hard to express to him the homesickness I feel sometimes, and whenever he talks about things from his childhood/college years I just want to go and see the places, or meet the people. Additionally I just want to take him to a bluegrass concert, have him taste my favorite beers, cheese curds and visit stone arch with me. I go into huge rants about my favorite bars, the barn, and my running trails quite often.

So now to start with a new idea. The benefits of having a relationship abroad.

1. The best thing is by far that you get to explore and learn about a new culture. I’ve learned loads about Australian phrases, climate, food, holidays, politics, traditions, schooling, and past times. I get to do this all without the hassle of having to live somewhere. Though truth be told, I might not mind doing this for a year or two. I was lucky enough to attend a dawn service (a very traditional Australian thing to do on ANZAC day, similar to veterans day in America) with Matt, his friends, and my boss. This was an excellent experience to have. The even better part is that when I visit said country I will have free places to stay and a person who knows all the best restaurants, and sights. And he can contour the vacation to match my enjoyments (beer, and hiking.)

2. Travel buddies. So far Matt and I haven’t had much of a chance for this one, but I have to admit I’ve always been jealous of the couples I travel with who get to split costs of rooms, can split meals, and constantly have that partner to lean on when things go utterly wrong. I really wish our vacations lined up more, but we will have to make the most of what we have. The one short trip we went on was excellent and I’m looking forward to more. And just think about all the awesome pictures you’ll have to hang on your walls someday and all the great stories you can tell.

3. The seriously hilarious discussions and arguments you will get into. We argue a lot, but mostly it’s in a joking way about pointless things like the rules of pool, or what certain foods are called, or how things should be pronounced.

4. Physical connection. I hate to say it, but we all need this. And it has seriously been lacking in my life. Sometimes you need someone to cuddle you, even when you are an independent girl living in a foreign country.

5. It is a chance to love and be loved, and do you ever really need a reason for that? Yes, it is a very risky venture, but those are generally the best once.

no way!

I asked Matt for his opinion on this topic. In response to what made our “abroad” relationship hard, and he responded that not hearing my voice and terrible phone reception in Indonesia were rough. Such a practical one he is. Lol. He says the best part is having someone to rely on 100% of the time. I’m not sure our 3 hour cab rides make that exactly a true statement. But as he says “normally overseas you are alone against the world.”

In Bahasa “sayang” means so many things. Honey as a noun, dear or darling as an adjective, and love as a verb. We have far more challenges than this blog even begins to cover, and we certainly aren't perfect, but there are far more smiles than tears, and everyday I think about the randomness of finding each other on a random island off the coast of Indonesia. I’m happy to have found someone who is willing to work on all the challenges to reach the benefits of this life we have chosen. Saya cinta kamu, sayang!