At a complete loss for words

The last 2 weeks have been awful. I can't seem to find any words to describe how or why I feel this way. At least no words that anyone can understand. I have lost myself, and everything I loved about her. My passion has gone away. I need to get outside, I need to roll around on grass and escape the sound of traffic. I need to see some live music, and I need a good beer. I feel like I haven't slept in weeks and feel exhausted all the time. My head pounds, my stomach gurgles with discomfort, and I feel as though I am on a never ending tilt-a-whirl. I eat whatever I want, whenever I want, come home and lay in bed unable to complete my work tasks. I have lost it, and in some way have given up hope of ever being happy in Jakarta. It is not a pretty sight. My boyfriend has had to deal with more mental breakdowns in the last week than in the whole 9 months of our relationship.

This song randomly popped into my head as I was waiting in the elevator on the way home. I remember listening to it on repeat before I first left America. When I told my friend it was exactly how I felt at the time she responded "Really?!?" Little did I know how much life I had there.

Now I feel every single word of it to my core.

Lay me down, Lay me down
In a field of nothing, with no one around
I've had enough of everyone in this town
I've had enough, Just lay me down.

Take me away in a little toy train
to the heart of my brain, just take me away
where the loving ain't hard and the living is easy
There's love in my heart, just take me away

Lay me down, Lay me down
In a field of nothing, with no one around
I've had enough of everyone in this town
I've had enough, Just lay me down.

There's no changing the wind
There's no changing the weather
There's no telling when it all began
or if the end will be any better

I'm falling for you babe
You know that I'm falling for you babe
You know that I love you I need you
I'm falling for you babe, you know that I'm calling
for you babe I'm falling I'm calling

Lay me down, Lay me down
In a field of nothing, with no one around
I've had enough of everyone in this town
I've had enough, Just lay me down.

I look to the sky, I cant help but cry
I wonder why I look to the sky
The weight of the world, puts tears in my eyes
holding me down I can't help but cry

Lay me down, Lay me down
In a field of nothing, with no one around
I've had enough of everyone in this town
I've had enough, Just lay me down.

Life is tough. It has been awful. But the good thing is that the one part of me I have left is my need to do. Do exercise, do exploring, do writing, do reading, do cooking, do baking. And now, hopefully, if I ever hear back, volunteering. I have to get off this ass of mine, realize that life isn't that bad, and that I can handle the next 10 months just as easily at the first 13.