Bleeding Out

So I found out some pretty scary news this week. For the last few months little spots have been forming all over my body. It looks like a rash, but isn't itchy. I've been to the doctor a few times. The first time they diagnosed me with chicken pox. Then it was an allergic reaction or bug bites. After doing all my own research I found out it is Petachiae. Petachiae is your veins leaking out under your skin. It can be caused by so many things, so I went to a doctor again last night to get a blood test to find out if it was something serious.

Basically he told me it is very likely I have an autoimmune disorder, which means that no matter how much effort I put into taking care of my body for the last year it has been fighting me. My body is killing my bad cells as well as all my good ones. This explains why I've been sick every month, and depressed for the last 9 months. Now anyone who knows me knows that I am a control freak, so the fact that I can't control how my body feels is really hard news to get. I have been the healthiest of my life in the last 2 years, pumping my body full of fruits and veggies, cutting back my alcohol consumption and going to the gym 4 or 5 days a week. The fact that none of it mattered is really annoying.

But this isn't the point of this blog. The point of this post is that I fell in love today. I have been "feeling" a lot of songs recently, but today I fell in love with a brand new one. So I've had it on repeat for the last hour dancing around my house. The best part is I get to see this band live in about 7 weeks.

It's one of those so perfect songs, that I just can't stop.

Even if I was lonely, even if I was broke
Even if all the dogs in the pound let me know
Saying it’s never over, it never ends
Grab the guns and the ammo, let us descend
To the darkest of prisons, and break their defence
We will rattle the cages, rules will be bent
Oh, remind us our days are all numbered not spent
And peace it comes easy, like mist on a ridge

[Chorus]
Breathing in, breathing out, it’s all in my mouth
Gives me hope that I’ll be, something worth bleeding out
Breathing in, breathing out, it’s all in my mouth
Gives me hope that I’ll be, something worth bleeding out

All the worries folks tell us to break all of our ties
To our families and loved ones, we leave when we fly
To these cities we think we need in our lives
Oh you Manhattan jungle, you tangle our pride

[Chorus]
Breathing in, breathing out, it’s all in my mouth
Gives me hope that I’ll be, something worth bleeding out
Breathing in, breathing out, it’s all in my mouth
Gives me hope that I’ll be, something worth bleeding out

All the buildings, they lean and they smile down on us
And they shout from their roof tops, words we can't trust
Like you’re dead, you are tired
You’re ruined, you're dust
Oh you will amount to nothing, like tanks full of rust

But we scream back at them
From below on the street
All in unison we sing, at times, been redeemed
We are all of the beauty, that has not been seen
We are full of the color, that’s never been dreamed
Well, nothing we need ever dies, yeah
Nothing we need ever dies, yeah
Nothing we need ever dies

[Chorus x2]
Breathing in, breathing out, it’s all in my mouth
Gives me hope that I’ll be, something worth bleeding out
Breathing in, breathing out, it’s all in my mouth
Gives me hope that I’ll be, something worth bleeding out.

Fuck you autoimmune disease. I'm going to figure you out and crush you with happiness and life.

The Long and Winding Road...to Pai!

This day was hangover central. The only one of the trip, and it was bad for all of us. I think I was in a good state in comparison to some of the others.

The morning was rough, for a lot of reasons. But after the tedious task of packing and being out of our rooms by noon I managed to get a job offer and thought "hey, life ain't that bad." We had Italian for lunch, coffee, and rented a car to be on our way to Pai.

Some background information. 2 of the guys I was traveling with had previously biked all the way up and down Vietnam, so I figured this ride in a car would be relatively safe. It was, but it was also freaky! Mostly we giggled our ways there, trying not to freak out about the smell of burnt tires, and the passing on blind curves. 

We made it after about 3 hours and were so grateful to check into our epically nice hotel room. For dinner we just walked around the town and found a hippie like healthy food restaurant, as most of the restaurants on trip advisor were closed. I was quite grateful to have some vegetables in my life, and we sipped some mojitos as bit of a cure. The night market in Pai was bustling with people, one of which who happened to be "Pink Hair Dude" from our run in with the Thai Cops 3 nights prior and the Muay Thai night (1 night prior) but he deserves his own story.

Pai was a chill city, so the next day we drove to see the waterfall, which was a let down and full of trash, and the canyon, which was exquisite. Then we thought, "heck we are paying enough for our hotel room, lets just hang by the pool for a bit." So we did! I got tan and drank beers and giggled, and had deep talks. And then eventually we went into town for dinner and some drinks.

Mostly Pai was just a very easy going city. Plenty to do in terms of "furthering yourself" such as yoga classes, cooking classes, retreats, nearby hiking, ect. But mostly since it was the end of our journey we just used it to relax.

The ride home was maybe actually worse than the ride there. About and hour in Chris offered me a beer and that seemed to sooth my tummy a bit. So maybe that's the key to making the ride easy?

Here is a little taste of the ride home, which was about 10 times better than the ride there. 

Oh and we stopped to see this Geyser....