Assessment: Stress

I sit in a meeting about our assessment procedures, 3 days into work. My mind begins to wander and I'm purely overwhelmed with resources, information, spaces, and faces. I long for something, anything familiar. And so it begins. The homesickness I knew would come eventually. What do I crave? A hug. Just one to make me feel something recognizable in the stream of confusion I’m drowning in.

My mind drifts back to home. I think about the wonderful time I was allowed to spend there. Hearing the music of the live concerts, smelling hops, I remember the final hug I got from my brother, tight and genuine. Then I tear up. It is too painful, so I pull myself back to the meeting. Assessment binders: to compile all of our tests in one easy access area for future reference.  More information to remember.

I can feel my mothers’ arms around me. Embracing me each night before I go to bed, reminding me that this is what we missed the most. At the time I was even slightly annoyed. But why? I miss it too, now. “Feel the hugs!!!” she reminds me with every single e-mail. And I can feel them now. But these ones are empty, and cold, and all I want is the warmth of an embrace.

I think about how lucky I am to have people in my life who even give me hugs. I consider it a privilege that I cannot count my goodbye hugs on my fingers. I remember that as I grew closer to my Tirana family their embraces, and words of encouragement seemed to suffice to make me feel better. I’m so much stronger now that I was a week into my time in Tirana, and that eases the desire a bit. There is so much to look forward to, so many new experiences to have, so many things I must do before I can miss home.

I yank myself back to the meeting. I won’t go down this easy. Assessment portfolios. I gottcha. This isn't homesickness. This is simply stress.