25: Another day in the life of me

The morning begins rough as I frantically complete the random tasks of the morning. I toss my sheets in the washer and put it on the 30 minute cycle, as I quickly message my mom to remind her of an “I’m abroad and no one will accept my credit cards!” issue. I get on skype and she calls the company and puts them on speaker phone. We explain the situation as I put on my make up, which is pointless given that as soon as that issue is dealt with, she mentions the one that immediately brings tears to my eyes. "Let go," I tell myself, "it is not in your control."

I arrive at school eager to push away the feeling that today should be special even though it is really just another day in the life of me. Immediately I am greeted by coffee, cake, and a starbucks card from my partner teacher. Our ritual for moments of stress and celebration. I go about checking my schedule for teaching, making my copies, prepping my reading tests for the day. My friends come in with lit candles and a balloon. Simple, and precisely all I want. The previous day my students were told that I was 24 and that tomorrow, on my birthday, I would turn 21. They come prancing in at 7:30, “Are you really 21 today miss?” I smile, so overjoyed, by this simple question. 2 girls open the door, gift in tow. They have made me a handmade pencil holder out of popsicle sticks, and cards with picture of our classroom on it. “Thank you for being our Miss!” they have written. In the corner I notice a picture of a typical event: There is a picture of me calling out names for students who may be the first to go to the toilet, only instead of my talking bubble saying “blah, blah, blah, you may go to the toilet” it says three names and the toilet is replaced with the map symbol for toilet, since we have been studying maps and symbols in IPC. My heart melts.

Our English lesson is the best. Reading groups, spelling bee prep, and finally writing. We have been working on how to show instead of telling. It is very hard for them, and we spend more of our time brainstorming than writing the actual paragraph. Todays topic: I live on a very busy street.

I have them close their eyes and imagine it. Everyone is ready to share as we brainstorm using our 5 senses. Together we write the following:

My street is speedy. There are many cars stretched on and on stuck in a traffic jam, honking their horns. People walk quickly by on their way to work. Big houses, tall buildings and warungs line the side of the road and people shuffle in and out. It smells stinky, like cigarettes, trash, chicken and diesel.

I am so insanely proud of how much better their writing is coming I want to burst. Later during IPC we discuss the hardships of being in a traveling circus and they create circus maps, showing their knowledge of the best places to put everything to help with set up and tear down.

After work I rush quickly to catch a taxi to the nearest mall and indulge in a very inexpensive massage, and some delicious cold stone ice cream. I walk through the grocery store to get items to cook up a feast. As I reach the taxi line and see the length, I give up. An ojek home is the best bet. I ask “Berapa” to make sure I won’t get taken advantage of. “Lima Puluh” he responds. I know this is far too much and barter him down a buck. I shove on the potentially lice ridden helmet and attempt to buckle it. The buckle is broken, so I leave it hanging. Hopping on the back I think to myself, “I am 25, and you only live once. If I get in a crash and die, then so be it.”

As we weave in and out of traffic, I tense up and pull my bag forward so no one can reach in and grab my wallet or phone. I see lightning and hear thunder. I hope to myself that it just holds off 10 more minutes. Eventually we make it out of the traffic part and the cool breeze catches me off guard, as I finally feel some freedom. We soon get caught up in the traffic again. I think back to my students' writing as I pass a chicken scented warung, followed by a white ginger-haired man in a silk blue suit smoking his cigarette, as he walks with pleasure faster than the cars. As we turn the corner my knee brushes the white car next to us. I look on the side of the road and see newly planted trees, and I wonder if they will still be there in 2 weeks. Will someone uproot them easily or will they stay strong and grow a thick, resilient trunk?

I am suddenly overcome with the feeling that although 24 has been the toughest year of my life, I have grown so much more than I thought possible. I have become a real teacher. I have made potential relationship and career altering choices. I have shared my own dreams and created new dreams with a human being.

Dear 24….you sucked! You changed and crushed me in the worst way. Living in this city sucked the life out of you, but it’s almost over, and 25 is here. Though I have been completely defiant about wanting to celebrate the year to come, it is time to erase my negativity, and realize that this is life. It is fleeting, and if I don’t grab some smiles now they could be gone in a few short weeks.

I breath as I arrive home, only to have the ojek driver try to get more money out of me. I slave over an amazing birthday dinner of surf and turf with steamed carrots and grilled potatoes.

I haven’t reached all my goals for 24 year old me, and that’s okay. I have realized that I’m not happy unless I’m working for something, and improving myself.

So 25, here’s to you. To the challenges you bring. To the wind and the waves. To the heartbreak and hurt. To the smile and the tears.To the beauty of meeting new people in new places. To exploration. To new jobs and new students. Here’s to slamming the door on negativity. Here’s to being selfish. And most importantly, to those moments (like when you are on the back of an ojek) that take your breath away.

How my mother, against all my defiance, became my friend

When I was little me and my mom were always close. There were a lot of special mother and daughter activities we did. She taught me to bake and cook, how to find the best deals at the shops, and would treat me, often enough, to ice cream.

When I became a teenager I really didn't want her involved. I wouldn't say I was rebellious, but I started to have my own opinions about life, and how I wanted mine to go. I shared what I needed and learned to deal with the rest on my own. When I started to make a decision about where to go to college, her opinion was the closer, less expensive campus. I wanted my freedom and independence so I opted for the further away campus. I went home often, surprisingly not because I felt obligated, but because I wanted to be there.

In college, she watched me make mistakes. A lot. Small and big. My life didn't spin out of control, but I got very lost in who I was. Sometimes I felt like it was my duty to call her and check it. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't care anymore about what was happening in the Marsh, or with the people at church, I just wanted to get back to my friends and my studies. I am so glad now that I forced myself to make those calls.

Then I moved even further away, to Albania. I promised to skype often and I stuck with my promise. Sometimes I needed her and other times it felt like an obligation, but she was always grateful for the 30 minutes here and there. Indonesia made the time difference a lot harder to keep in touch. So we had to really try. And life in Indonesia was hard. For the first time ever I feel like there is no one in the world who can quite understand all of me, because there are so many parts of me.

And then Monday morning hit, after a night of tossing and turning without any clarity of a decision. And who is the first person I want to talk to? My mom. Because somehow, against all my trials to keep her out she has managed to become my friend. No she doesn't know all the deepest darkest secrets of my past. She doesn't hear about all the silly stories and mistakes I make. But she is the one person I have always been able to count on to listen and not judge.

My advice to every mom is to admire your daughter for who she is. Allow her to make her mistakes, because they will let her grow, and don't pry. Let your relationship become what it is meant to be on its own time in its own place.

My advice to every daughter is to live life the way you want, but always listen to the advice of your mother. Regardless of the differences you have with her, chances are she has been in a similar situation, and she made it through.

As we hung up from Skype she reminds me that I'm strong. I rush to get ready for work but that sentence stick in my head through the whole day as I struggle against tears and breakdowns, words and memories, love and hurt. I am strong. I have proved it over and over, and no matter what happens I have my mom to back that strength.

Thanks mommy! I love you!

The Goldcoast

Much of our time in the Goldcoast was spent mostly hanging around, since Matt's friends lived meters from the beach. Unfortunately, we happened to be there at the worst time for the beach. First of all there were jellyfish washed up all over the actual beach. Secondly, there were blue bottles in the water, visible by eye. Lastly, there was sea lice. Yuck! So yes, I finally got into the Pacific ocean (first time ever!) but I only got in fully once, and after that it was feet only.

Surfers Paradise

Jellyfish

Our first day on the Goldcoast was New Years Eve, so as you can imagine it was spent sitting around and drinking beer as I got introduced to more and more people. We did go to a party where I drank lots of delicious IPA, and chatted to some of Matt's friends, and after a struggle to catch the train home, getting separated (and some of us...ahem not me...getting questioned by the cops) we watch the fireworks on the roof in the freezing cold rain. New Years day involved a trip to the liquor store and grocery store, and some sitting around playing Peggle.

New Years Breakfast

The day after New Years we headed out to a suburb called Nerang to visit Matt's high school friend. We went out to the bars, met some older men to drink with and talk to, ate pizza, and passed out. After having breakfast we headed to Springbrook National Park, which is deserving of it's own blog post. Post hiking we ate a Mexican dinner with Matt's uncle and headed back to Surfer's Paradise.

Sunny The Koala

The following day we went to the zoo so that I could hold a Koala! I have to say, we were highly impressed with Kurumbin Wildlife Sanctuary, as a zoo. We went online and managed to get our tickets for a discount, and then promptly used the discount to purchase a photo with the Koala named Sunny! They zoo keeper said I was probably one of the most excited people he had ever seen. This zoo felt almost purely Australian to me. They hadn't imported animals from around the world to show off to kids. They were truly interested in the protected of Australian endangered species. The other interesting thing I got to do was spoon a Kangaroo!

Add it to the list of life accomplishments

The next day Matt's friend had the day off work, so we decided to chill near Surfers. We started the day with some breakfast and then headed out for mini-golfing. This is something Matt and I tried to find in Indonesia for a long time, but with no luck, so it was nice to get to do something fun for a double date. I managed to cook up a delicious feast of tacos as a thank you on our last day there and we had burgers on the grill for dinner. I was lucky enough to get in a good game of French cricket on the beach. Many people in Australia enjoy watching cricket and I was starting to catch on a bit to the scoring and general strategy to the game towards the end of my time there. French cricket is just a basic version easily played by a group of people. I guess it's be similar to playing touch football.

The following morning we started heading toward Brisbane again, stopping for some hiking and exploring in Tamborine National Park. If you are and avid hiker I would say that Springbrook is a much better way to spend a day. The trails at Tamborine are not as long and the sights are not as beautiful. However if you are looking for a full weekend getaway go with Tamborine. There are many places to stay, and lots of little shops and cafes to explore. Probably my favourite part was Fortitude Brewery. The F-100 was delicious and after I had one I couldn't help but indulge in a flight to try them all. After the brewery we tried to find another trail to hike, but the map/ our phones had different opinions and we ended up lost, so we just headed on our merry way to Brisbane.

The only really good picture I got of Tamborine