25: Another day in the life of me

The morning begins rough as I frantically complete the random tasks of the morning. I toss my sheets in the washer and put it on the 30 minute cycle, as I quickly message my mom to remind her of an “I’m abroad and no one will accept my credit cards!” issue. I get on skype and she calls the company and puts them on speaker phone. We explain the situation as I put on my make up, which is pointless given that as soon as that issue is dealt with, she mentions the one that immediately brings tears to my eyes. "Let go," I tell myself, "it is not in your control."

I arrive at school eager to push away the feeling that today should be special even though it is really just another day in the life of me. Immediately I am greeted by coffee, cake, and a starbucks card from my partner teacher. Our ritual for moments of stress and celebration. I go about checking my schedule for teaching, making my copies, prepping my reading tests for the day. My friends come in with lit candles and a balloon. Simple, and precisely all I want. The previous day my students were told that I was 24 and that tomorrow, on my birthday, I would turn 21. They come prancing in at 7:30, “Are you really 21 today miss?” I smile, so overjoyed, by this simple question. 2 girls open the door, gift in tow. They have made me a handmade pencil holder out of popsicle sticks, and cards with picture of our classroom on it. “Thank you for being our Miss!” they have written. In the corner I notice a picture of a typical event: There is a picture of me calling out names for students who may be the first to go to the toilet, only instead of my talking bubble saying “blah, blah, blah, you may go to the toilet” it says three names and the toilet is replaced with the map symbol for toilet, since we have been studying maps and symbols in IPC. My heart melts.

Our English lesson is the best. Reading groups, spelling bee prep, and finally writing. We have been working on how to show instead of telling. It is very hard for them, and we spend more of our time brainstorming than writing the actual paragraph. Todays topic: I live on a very busy street.

I have them close their eyes and imagine it. Everyone is ready to share as we brainstorm using our 5 senses. Together we write the following:

My street is speedy. There are many cars stretched on and on stuck in a traffic jam, honking their horns. People walk quickly by on their way to work. Big houses, tall buildings and warungs line the side of the road and people shuffle in and out. It smells stinky, like cigarettes, trash, chicken and diesel.

I am so insanely proud of how much better their writing is coming I want to burst. Later during IPC we discuss the hardships of being in a traveling circus and they create circus maps, showing their knowledge of the best places to put everything to help with set up and tear down.

After work I rush quickly to catch a taxi to the nearest mall and indulge in a very inexpensive massage, and some delicious cold stone ice cream. I walk through the grocery store to get items to cook up a feast. As I reach the taxi line and see the length, I give up. An ojek home is the best bet. I ask “Berapa” to make sure I won’t get taken advantage of. “Lima Puluh” he responds. I know this is far too much and barter him down a buck. I shove on the potentially lice ridden helmet and attempt to buckle it. The buckle is broken, so I leave it hanging. Hopping on the back I think to myself, “I am 25, and you only live once. If I get in a crash and die, then so be it.”

As we weave in and out of traffic, I tense up and pull my bag forward so no one can reach in and grab my wallet or phone. I see lightning and hear thunder. I hope to myself that it just holds off 10 more minutes. Eventually we make it out of the traffic part and the cool breeze catches me off guard, as I finally feel some freedom. We soon get caught up in the traffic again. I think back to my students' writing as I pass a chicken scented warung, followed by a white ginger-haired man in a silk blue suit smoking his cigarette, as he walks with pleasure faster than the cars. As we turn the corner my knee brushes the white car next to us. I look on the side of the road and see newly planted trees, and I wonder if they will still be there in 2 weeks. Will someone uproot them easily or will they stay strong and grow a thick, resilient trunk?

I am suddenly overcome with the feeling that although 24 has been the toughest year of my life, I have grown so much more than I thought possible. I have become a real teacher. I have made potential relationship and career altering choices. I have shared my own dreams and created new dreams with a human being.

Dear 24….you sucked! You changed and crushed me in the worst way. Living in this city sucked the life out of you, but it’s almost over, and 25 is here. Though I have been completely defiant about wanting to celebrate the year to come, it is time to erase my negativity, and realize that this is life. It is fleeting, and if I don’t grab some smiles now they could be gone in a few short weeks.

I breath as I arrive home, only to have the ojek driver try to get more money out of me. I slave over an amazing birthday dinner of surf and turf with steamed carrots and grilled potatoes.

I haven’t reached all my goals for 24 year old me, and that’s okay. I have realized that I’m not happy unless I’m working for something, and improving myself.

So 25, here’s to you. To the challenges you bring. To the wind and the waves. To the heartbreak and hurt. To the smile and the tears.To the beauty of meeting new people in new places. To exploration. To new jobs and new students. Here’s to slamming the door on negativity. Here’s to being selfish. And most importantly, to those moments (like when you are on the back of an ojek) that take your breath away.