How my mother, against all my defiance, became my friend

When I was little me and my mom were always close. There were a lot of special mother and daughter activities we did. She taught me to bake and cook, how to find the best deals at the shops, and would treat me, often enough, to ice cream.

When I became a teenager I really didn't want her involved. I wouldn't say I was rebellious, but I started to have my own opinions about life, and how I wanted mine to go. I shared what I needed and learned to deal with the rest on my own. When I started to make a decision about where to go to college, her opinion was the closer, less expensive campus. I wanted my freedom and independence so I opted for the further away campus. I went home often, surprisingly not because I felt obligated, but because I wanted to be there.

In college, she watched me make mistakes. A lot. Small and big. My life didn't spin out of control, but I got very lost in who I was. Sometimes I felt like it was my duty to call her and check it. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't care anymore about what was happening in the Marsh, or with the people at church, I just wanted to get back to my friends and my studies. I am so glad now that I forced myself to make those calls.

Then I moved even further away, to Albania. I promised to skype often and I stuck with my promise. Sometimes I needed her and other times it felt like an obligation, but she was always grateful for the 30 minutes here and there. Indonesia made the time difference a lot harder to keep in touch. So we had to really try. And life in Indonesia was hard. For the first time ever I feel like there is no one in the world who can quite understand all of me, because there are so many parts of me.

And then Monday morning hit, after a night of tossing and turning without any clarity of a decision. And who is the first person I want to talk to? My mom. Because somehow, against all my trials to keep her out she has managed to become my friend. No she doesn't know all the deepest darkest secrets of my past. She doesn't hear about all the silly stories and mistakes I make. But she is the one person I have always been able to count on to listen and not judge.

My advice to every mom is to admire your daughter for who she is. Allow her to make her mistakes, because they will let her grow, and don't pry. Let your relationship become what it is meant to be on its own time in its own place.

My advice to every daughter is to live life the way you want, but always listen to the advice of your mother. Regardless of the differences you have with her, chances are she has been in a similar situation, and she made it through.

As we hung up from Skype she reminds me that I'm strong. I rush to get ready for work but that sentence stick in my head through the whole day as I struggle against tears and breakdowns, words and memories, love and hurt. I am strong. I have proved it over and over, and no matter what happens I have my mom to back that strength.

Thanks mommy! I love you!