Phnom Penh: History and Culture

I arrived after quite the layover in Singapore but was renewed by my curiosity. Visa was easy even though I didn't have all the "required" documents. And I bought a SIM card and data plan for 5 dollars, and caught a tuk tuk into the city. I was meant to text the boys when I landed, but couldn't seem to get that part of my phone working. Luckily enough Robert was super tall and I spotted Jim easily. We enjoyed a breakfast of pork, rice, and eggs followed by coffee with Bailey's and some yummy Belgian abbey ale. Then after catching up on life we headed to the market for some noodle soup and so Scott and Robert could show me some things and buy their veggies and meat for the week. The iced coffee I had was sugary, but so delicious.

The best part about Scott and Roberts house is the large open air balcony. I could sit up there for hours as long as there was a breeze. So we grabbed some beers and did just that. Robert managed to call and book a ticket for the following morning for me to get to Siem Reap. 

balcony!

We headed to the Royal Palace and stopped on the way to pick up my bus ticket. After I had it in my hand (13 dollars for an 8 hour ride) we stopped for some beers and to split a pizza before heading to the greenery by the palace for sunset. 

This was of course accompanied by a bottle of wine and chats with local monks about Cambodian schooling and cultures. I couldn't get over the beauty of the birds flying around the palace, the community of people hanging out, and the general splendor of being in nature.

We took a tuk-tuk home, drank some water and did some more chatting before heading to bed early. Overall I had an excellent first day.

I spent most of the rest of my time traveling, but came back to Phnom Penh for the last 2 days. One of those days I walked with Scott to pay the electric bill. It was quite the journey, but this is sort of my favorite way to experience the culture of the city. Afterwards we went to see the White Building because I had read some interesting articles about its demolition and felt like this was a necessary stop. On the way home we made a quick stop at the russian market to get ingredients to make dinner. 

The White Building

We ended up have a BBQ night and just relaxing, followed by an early bed time.

The next day was my touristy day. I hired a tuk-tuk driver for 20 dollars for the whole day. He took me first to The Killing Fields, which is exactly as its name suggests. This is the place where the Khmer Rouge soldiers took victims to mass murder them. I highly recommend going even though it was depressing. Absolutely worth the money to learn more about the history. They will give you a little audio player that is filled with information and stories from survivors and executioners. I had to pause a moment to cry at the baby mass grave as I listened about how the executioners would beat the babies against the tree to kill them before tossing them in the grave pile. I also had to fast forward through a portion of the miracle tree story. This is where they hung speakers to play music to drown out the screams of death. When they started playing the music I nearly lost it thinking about how this is exactly the opposite purpose of music.

The mass grave for children

Memorial for those who died. If you look closely you can see all the skulls and bones inside.

Once I finished here I was driven to the genocide museum, a high school that was converted into a torture camp in its previous life. Here I saw the cells and torture devices used, as well as many pictures of those that died. I was ready to move away from the whole death thing, so I headed to the royal palace.

On arrival I realized I was inappropriately dressed since I was wearing shorts. I was going to cost me extra to rent shorts and I didn't really fancy spending 10 dollars (plus cost of cover up) to see lots of pretty things, so I skipped it and headed to the national museum. This was also a huge bore, filled with statues that had been taken from the Angkor Wat temple I had seen previously in the week. Maybe I'm just not one for museums. I finished off the day with some beers and lunch along the riverfront.

I headed back to the apartment stopping to pick up some items for dinner on the way. Robert made butter chicken that night and after chilling for awhile Scott and I went garbage hunting for more items to add to their garden. It was quite the blast of a last night. I woke up fairly early to pack up and make my long journey (only because of the layover) home. I was sad to say goodbye to my boys. But I'm starting to become more convinced that we will just always manage to see each other. Connected for a lifetime. 

Siem Reap: Sometimes There Just Aren't Enough Rocks

So I'll admit I was worried given that this was the first solo part of my journey. I can't speak any of the language, the currency confuses the shit out of me, and I don't know how to randomly introduce myself to people. Well...I did just fine. I met a girl immediately on the bus and then talked to her more at lunch and we ended up splitting a tuk-tuk to the city. I then followed her to her hostel, went to lunch, and booked tours with her. Monday  afternoon was mostly spent just finding some food and booking stuff. Tuesday we wandered around the large circuit of the temples and Wednesday we did the shorter circuit. This is the opposite of how you are supposed to do it, but I feel like it was good option because the temples got more beautiful and interesting instead of growing more boring, and we could sleep in the day after we woke up early for sunrise.

I'll say that there were crowds even though technically it was the off season for traveling, and more than once I was annoyed by large groups of Chinese tourists. The temples were gorgeous and by far my favorites were Angkor Thom(with faces) and Ta Phrohm, which had trees going out of the middle of it. It is amazing what nature can do with a small seed. I won't bore you will details. Just be sure to see them yourself if you ever get to the area, and enjoy what I feel to be a small selection of photos:

Larger Circuit: day one

Angkor Thom

She was blocking the entrance to try and collect money

Ta Phrohm

Eastern Mebon (end of Large circuit)

Lovely view of faces 

My first day was spent just roaming the area. I went to the night market and indulged in some super cheap travel clothes/ presents.

I ate lots of cheap and delicious food. Most of meals were taken at Joe To Go, which is a restaurant that supports local schools and art education. The restaurant is decorated with lots of childrens' beautiful artwork. They serve incredible coffee (double espresso was 1.25) and delicious food, both western and Asian for an average of 4 dollars a plate. Servings are quite large and service was excellent. They knew me and my espresso order by the end. I also ate a few times at a Mexican joint called something Vida. Satisfied my Mexican needs and had cheap fish tacos and margaritas. 3 dollars for one of each. I could tell the tortillas were freshly made, so that was nice. 

The day I didn't go to the temples was quite boring. Mostly because I didn't want to pay for a tuk-tuk by myself and it was expensive to get to most places. I visited the silk farm and Angkor Artisans, which was free of charge, hung in the hostel and then went for a few random walks that ended in a 50 cent beer or 2 dollar wine stop. Who could resist? The day I woke up to see the sunrise I got invited to a pub crawl, went that evening, but felt extremely exhausted after a beer. There is a good party scene in this city it just wasn't seen at the hostel I stayed in.

I left the following morning for Phnom Penh on a pretty crappy bus. It was bad (air con, bathroom available) but it just kept stopping to pick up and drop off people in random places. If this is something that bothers you I recommend you do not take Sorya bus, though it is 4-5 dollars cheaper than the other bus companies

I think there is absolutely more to do in the area of you are willing to pay for tuk-tuks, however as far as temples go, two days was enough.

Kampot: Take Another Little Piece of My Heart

Robert had originally suggested that I stop in Kampot for a day or two on my way south. He said o should grab a motorbike and head to the mountains and just enjoy the nature I was craving. Well, lucky for me the boys were able to join me for the weekend!

The title of this blog is "Take Another Little Piece of My Heart." As I travel this world usually after a few days in a place i'm ready to leave it and move on. However every once in awhile, I find a place that I just do not want to leave. I love my time there and feel like I belong so much that I can't picture myself anywhere else. Minneapolis is one. My first real love. Then came Ohrid, Macedonia, followed by Berlin, Germany. Mostar, Bosnia and Herzegovina came next and then Jogjakarta, Indonesia. Well you can add Kampot, Cambodia to this list. 

We rented a private car, which cost us a lot more than the bus, but we figured it was worth it to get there on Friday night and not have to deal with tuk tuks taking us to and from the bus stop. The ride was pretty easy and we could see migrant workers crammed into the back of trucks as we passed. I felt a little guilty for my air con and my leg room. We made one stop for a quick snack of sausages and rice ( I hadn't eaten since breakfast) and arrived at Samon's village just in time to check into our room and order dinner. The food was incredible. Mostly because every dish used Kampot pepper, which is apparently the best pepper in the world.

We went to bed early and woke up the same. After having breakfast we got our motorbikes, I was given a quick course on how to use it and we headed into town to purchase a picnic lunch and a bottle of wine. I was definitely more fearful of driving in the city, considering there were more people to look out for, and turns/stops to make. Once we were on the highway and then up on the mountains I felt so free. I had a variety of songs stuck in my head throughout the day, including Dixie Chicks's Wide Open Spaces, Have You Ever Seen The Rain (when it was raining) and John Denver's Country Roads. We stopped with pleasure to explore deserted houses. And then, we stopped without pleasure when Robert's bike broke down. After waiting about 30 minutes the guy came and offered us his bike while he fixed the other one.

We continued up, stopped for a beer, and then found a nice cliff to eat our lunch of crackers, cheese, tuna, and wine. The view was incredible.

abandoned church

lunching spot

We continued to explore houses, casino ruins, and eventually made our way to the waterfall. After a bit of relaxing we headed out for the long journey down. Halfway down it started raining, which was a bit rough at some parts. I was glad I had my sunglasses as a shield.  I sang Trampled by Turtles lyrics "Know that I was made for you, there is nothing I can do about it" as my love song to the mountainside.

2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, if it only had a roof....

Once back, we spent the evening sipping on coffee and Bailey's. I was feeling super sleepy at 7. When I took a cold shower I noticed I was sunburnt even though I had reapplied sunscreen a few times. I ended up asleep at 8.

finished the bottle....

The next day we finished our Bailey's and coffee and played some cards. Then we headed into town for lunch and Robert and Scott headed out on a bus. I stayed behind and explored the city a little stopping at a place called Cafe Espresso, for a veggie burger (super yum) and an espresso.

church and bar across from eachother

I decided to walk home, taking the opportunity to enjoy some country roads. The city reminded me so much of home as I walked along and saw bars in completely random places in the middle of nowhere.

That evening I just relaxed, went for a short canoe ride, drank a few beers and ate dinner while I read my book.

canoeing adventures

The next morning was more reading, and then a tuk-tuk trip to the secret lake and the pepper farm. It was short and simple, and I'm not sure it was worth my money. Maybe if I had shared the cost of the tuk tuk. Ah well, one of the downfalls of traveling alone, with limited time. The "bus" (van) came to pick me up that afternoon for my awful ride to Sihanoukville.

secret lake

I wanna ride this tuk-tuk back to Kampot...

The White Building

On my first night in Cambodia my friend Scott grabbed me some free reading materials to help me plan my trip. They included restaurant and hostel reviews as well as general information about the culture of Cambodia. While on my 8 hour bus to Siem Reap I took one out and grew fascinated, not by the delicious restaurants that awaited me, but by a simple building in the middle of the capital city. The small magazine revolved around the possible demolition of the building and what it would mean for residents, history, and general culture of the Khmer( Cambodian) people.

I was shocked at my general interest in the topic and quickly devoured the entirety of the magazine.

It made me sad to see that the government might be willing to tear down a building of historical significance, leaving thousands without homes, or with the potential of losing their nearby job. I visited later the week and marveled at the small community I had entered. I felt as though, even though it was poor, I wished I could belong to it. I wanted to be invited to join in a game with the kids or help the women do their dishes and cook.

A few days later, in the city of Kampot me and my friends took a motorbike ride in the mountains. The fresh air was incredible and as I cruised around stopped to admire the mountain views, I was quickly reminded of why I loved traveling and how important nature is. When we reached the top of the mountain, I was greeted with the biggest eye sore you could imagine. In front of me stood a modern looking casino resort, painted tan with bright golden pillars.

I'm of the understanding that society must advance. The population is increasing quickly, we have mouths to feed, and heads that need rest. But it would also appear to me that there are ways to do this that do not ruin culture or nature for future travelers.

For example: instead of making a modern, ultra classy casino and resort why not make a resort that blends in with the surrounding mountainside. Log cabins or small brown and green buildings would be much more appreciated than a gigantic, flat, fake- gold building.

And wouldn't it be better to renovate The White Building to be more safe for its residents and begin to offer more information for tourist about the interesting culture and history behind it?

Just a little thought as I leave this amazing country.

Building this life.

None of us are guaranteed happiness. We have to chase it. To search within the depths of our soul.

There in the doorway, stands me. Waiting patiently for her body to come back to her so I can go and live a real life again.

What makes a person happy? Money? Good Food? Feeling Confident? Being self-sufficient? Love? Family? Friends? Comfort? Exercise? Exploration? Following your dreams?....running away from fears? facing fears? 

Somehow, everyday people adapt to a life they haven't chosen. Perhaps a life that doesn't make them happy. And everyday people chose a life that doesn't make them happy. Why would they do it? 

The only logical reason I can think of is love. Millions of people choose to put their love for their family, their friends, and their significant others above the other areas of happiness. Is love a trap?

Love is not guaranteed. You can put all of you into loving someone and it can still fall apart. I have watched countless friends make life decisions based on love, and many of them have gotten the short end of the stick. 

I know what makes me happy, and I know what I want for my life. I know who I am and who I want to be.

I want to explore a new culture, and continue to build a new, different life everywhere I go. I want to live on pocket change, and find things that make all the shitty parts of living in the 3rd world worth it. I want to make friends with the locals. I want to see people for who they are. I want to be outside, far away from human life, so I can see the stars and hear my own heart beat. I want to travel deep within my heart and find out what makes it beat.

I have choices. I can be a selfish individual and have all these things that make me happy. I don't have to feel like I'm losing everything I love about living abroad and gaining all the things I hated about living in America. I can go wherever I want to go, and be whoever I want to be.

But it does not feel that way. I don't want any of those things if it means I can't have my love. And that right there is the scariest things I have ever tried to tell and convince myself of. So here I sit. Looking at jobs I may not want, apartments I cannot afford, and planning trips I do not want to take. Love is absolutely blinding, improbable, spectacular voyage. And I have never been so afraid to climb aboard.

Untitled Blog Post #7

8/7/14
Right now I'm sitting at an airport delayed and I just want to be going home. American home.

4/8/14

I'm home. I'm sitting in my bed blogging, which is exactly where I have wanted to be for the past few days, and suddenly I don't want to be here. I want to be anywhere but here. The last 4 weeks of my life were nothing. They were complete worthlessness. They were confusion. They were painfully honest. And they certainly have made me nervous. Time to dive into the fear and face up to who I am. What do I want?

22/8/14

As I end this rough transition back to real life I have adjusted, but I am missing home like crazy. I keep seeing pictures of people hiking, or at crazy good concerts, or sipping a beer. Maybe all this technology actually makes living abroad harder? I miss my best friend. 

5/9/14

Who am I to be sad looking back on happy memories that cause me to realize how unfulfilling my life here is. Those moments happened, and they were incredible. How great is that. My now is sucking a little, but that is part of life. I have tried my damn hardest to find fulfillment here, and it does not exist. I just gotta keep my head high and look forward to my bright future.

15/9/14

Life has been way more rough than I would like it to be. But if I put in a little bit of effort I can find positives. Like my crazy cute students, my supportive friends, and my vacation time. It is fast approaching and it has renewed a bit of my spirit. I was talking to my roommate tonight and she said she has never needed a vacation more than when working here. Cambodia and my boys are 4 weeks away!

I'm finding once again that music is making a huge difference in my life. I think with skipping gym time and doing insanity work outs at home I've been lacking time with my main lifeline (music.) The new Ryan Adams album is seriously helping to renew my spirits as well.

My fellow teacher have started searching for new jobs already. I'm starting to look really forward to starting the search for job next year, though I'm getting a bit frustrated with having to deal with the complications of building a life with another person in mind. It is a lot more difficult than just choosing somewhere with a decent paying job that you think you will enjoy. you have to find that, times double, plus a place with culture you can both handle and will enjoy. But no pain no gain, and I'm happy that somewhere in our minds Matt and I are convinced we can make a home somewhere together. I'm feeling both excited and nervous for the challenges that lie ahead, but one step at a time is where it is at right now.

25/9/14

Looking for jobs has officially started. I'm in the process of working with two recruitments companies, and will continue to search on my own. After a few rough weeks of feeling like I have had nothing to do I have that feeling of being overwhelmed once again, with finishing off the term reports, compiling student work for portfolios, and planning a trip. This always happens. I get back from vacation exhausted and struggle to get back into my routine for a few weeks. Then I spend a few weeks being completely bored and sad, and then suddenly it is time to be busy again. I wish I could find a way to knock out those 2 sad weeks in the middle of the happy and fulfilled feeling.

Matt and I took a weekend getaway trip to an island just 30 minutes off the coast of Jakarta last weekend. I think it is very important for me to realize that I CAN in fact leave this city for a weekend if necessary.

Additionally I think the thought of planning life with someone was making me freak out about it, and feel very insecure about my relationship. Haven't felt that way since....well....a really bad point in my life, so it scared me more than I'd like to admit. Eventually I thought about how kick ass I am, and got over myself. And, of course I think my boyfriend noticed, and started putting in some serious effort to make me feel better.

Yesterday night I also realized how crazy it is that I haven't been home in over a year. Why do I do it? 9 months to go! 

At a complete loss for words

The last 2 weeks have been awful. I can't seem to find any words to describe how or why I feel this way. At least no words that anyone can understand. I have lost myself, and everything I loved about her. My passion has gone away. I need to get outside, I need to roll around on grass and escape the sound of traffic. I need to see some live music, and I need a good beer. I feel like I haven't slept in weeks and feel exhausted all the time. My head pounds, my stomach gurgles with discomfort, and I feel as though I am on a never ending tilt-a-whirl. I eat whatever I want, whenever I want, come home and lay in bed unable to complete my work tasks. I have lost it, and in some way have given up hope of ever being happy in Jakarta. It is not a pretty sight. My boyfriend has had to deal with more mental breakdowns in the last week than in the whole 9 months of our relationship.

This song randomly popped into my head as I was waiting in the elevator on the way home. I remember listening to it on repeat before I first left America. When I told my friend it was exactly how I felt at the time she responded "Really?!?" Little did I know how much life I had there.

Now I feel every single word of it to my core.

Lay me down, Lay me down
In a field of nothing, with no one around
I've had enough of everyone in this town
I've had enough, Just lay me down.

Take me away in a little toy train
to the heart of my brain, just take me away
where the loving ain't hard and the living is easy
There's love in my heart, just take me away

Lay me down, Lay me down
In a field of nothing, with no one around
I've had enough of everyone in this town
I've had enough, Just lay me down.

There's no changing the wind
There's no changing the weather
There's no telling when it all began
or if the end will be any better

I'm falling for you babe
You know that I'm falling for you babe
You know that I love you I need you
I'm falling for you babe, you know that I'm calling
for you babe I'm falling I'm calling

Lay me down, Lay me down
In a field of nothing, with no one around
I've had enough of everyone in this town
I've had enough, Just lay me down.

I look to the sky, I cant help but cry
I wonder why I look to the sky
The weight of the world, puts tears in my eyes
holding me down I can't help but cry

Lay me down, Lay me down
In a field of nothing, with no one around
I've had enough of everyone in this town
I've had enough, Just lay me down.

Life is tough. It has been awful. But the good thing is that the one part of me I have left is my need to do. Do exercise, do exploring, do writing, do reading, do cooking, do baking. And now, hopefully, if I ever hear back, volunteering. I have to get off this ass of mine, realize that life isn't that bad, and that I can handle the next 10 months just as easily at the first 13.