Untitled blog post #1

09/08/13

I’m not sure what I’m doing. For some reason my mind won’t think, at least most of the time. When it does think, it freaks out a little bit. It starts thinking about the past and what it took to get to this point. What it took to become a happy person, and I don’t want anything to stand in the way of that. So if you put off the inevitable for long enough it’s bound to happen. Correct? I need to make a decision.

13/08/13

So it is currently 28 degrees Celsius outside and I just walked home wearing pants and a short sleeve shirt without sweating. I think my body is adjusting. Also for some reason every time I shave my legs here I cut myself. It’s awful and I can’t figure out why. I have to start being more careful.

14/08/13

I hate to complain about losing weight, but I purchased new clothes when I was home so that I wouldn’t have to go shopping when I arrived here. I have no shorts that fit that don’t have holes in the crotch. And so after work on Saturday I get to go shopping….again. agh!

18/08/2013

Last night I sat back under a fan while watching my friends bowl. Angie came up to me and just smiled as we began to talk about the fact that 8 weeks ago we had no idea who we were going to meet when we arrived here. 8 weeks ago we had no idea who we were going to live with or what our jobs would be like. And somehow in the 6 weeks we have been here we have managed to make various incredible ex-pats and Indonesian friends. How lucky am I? This morning we are sitting in our apartment talking about how hard it is going to be to leave this place and these marvelous people. I’m 6 weeks in. 2 years from now these friends are going to mean so much more to me. Say goodbye? For real? No one said this life was easy, but no one can say it isn’t worth it.

21/08/13

Today I started really craving a few things from home. I’m still doing fantastic overall, I just had a rough day. I need a good IPA and a good chat with my brother. Or a nice walk to stone arch with my iPod.

Today was one of those days when I thought to myself that as soon as I’m done paying off my loans I’m done teaching. I hated teaching today. More so I hate how much I still have to learn about being a teacher, and I’m frustrated with how overwhelming it is. And so I  don’t sleep, and I dream of my classroom in utter chaos. My alarm rings and it is back off to work I go. I greet each child with a smile and recall my dream to them as our “classroom swimming in bubbles.” I ask them what they dreamt about and they reply with “monsters” and “super-heroes.” Their dreams and my dream collide. But which one am I? The monster or the super-hero?

23/08/13

Today was a rough day, and after school (more like after school plus 45 minutes of extra work) I had a mental breakdown in the 3rd grade classroom. I've been really frustrated with feeling completely inadequate. It was good to talk it out first with my fellow elementary teacher, and shortly after with my roommate. They both mentioned that they have felt the same way at some point in the last month or so, which made me feel much better. I feel like I'm doing absolutely nothing right, and though I try and try, I continue to fail. 2 cry sessions (finally) followed by a workout and a few beers, and while life isn't perfect it is a little bit better about myself and I'm happier who I am. I need to get back my confidence. Where did it go this week? Watch out world. Here I come, with my super duper supportive friends to back me up. 

25/08/13
When I'm finally happy with myself, and being by myself it will all come together. I have a long way to go, and a long road ahead of me. The first step is accepting right? This is who I am, and I love her. Every single bit of her imperfections and insanity. Perfectly Imperfect. Also, I've been on a serious Tom Robbins binge. For real. It is unhealthy.

“Funny how we think of romance as always involving two, when the romance of solitude can be ever so much more delicious and intense.” 
― Tom Robbins

Out with the friends

28/08/13
Hey ya'll I'm hanging in here. In fact this week has been a lot better, but also crazy. My weekly plans for term one are coming due, so I spent about 3 hours last night working on english alone and I'm not done. In two-three weeks we have parent teacher interviews which means our portfolios are due. Stress! I haven't even started. There was a bit of drama due to some serious rumors and gossip early in the week, but I've overcome them. I found out today that I will be getting 2 more students on Monday and I can't even imagine having more. The good news is that the classroom management is improving each and every day. I don't take the kid's crap anymore. Notes go home, detentions are given, and I try my best not to shout over them. Accomplishing goal #2. This weekend we went to an inter-nations event and I tried to mingle to the best of my ability. I'm working on making more friends, and I think overall I'm doing a good job on goal #5. I've read almost one whole book about Buddhism (goal #8), but I haven't managed to complete any Bahasa lessons since I got here. I'm sitting in on Bahasa lessons during school and I've managed to learn a few words by looking at signs, listening to directions, and reading menus, so improving on goal #1. I started insanity last week and I can already see vast improvements. I'm setting goals, I'm eating healthier and I've lost weight. Goal # 7, check. I've tried some indonesian food, I've worn the clothes, I've learned a bit of history, so success on goal #4. Woohooo! The other 4 goals are being put on hold. But, I'm progressing, I'm improving as a person, and most importantly I think I'm the happiest I've ever been.