Untitled Blog Post #2

holding hands with a monkey!

4/9/13

My mind roams. It knows that tonight is one of those nights where sleep just isn’t an option. First it goes through my day, and nit picks all the little errors I’ve made. I note that tomorrow I need to switch my IPC lesson to get more photographs for portfolios, and to teach the kids how to double check their work. What are we doing for IPC next week? I need to get some items for the experiment. And holy mama the week after that is exit point. And the due date for portfolios. Stressed out. I tell myself to breathe. I can do this.

I slept like a baby for the last 4 nights in a row. What is going on? I know what I want, and what I desire, but I can’t have it. And even if I could would it make me truly happy? No matter which way my mind spins the truth I am here, in Jakarta, making this life work. And I am doing a damn fine job. Go to bed brain, you can do your thing tomorrow.

9/9/13

I spent last night out eating sushi and ice cream with the three girls. It was great because we did the total cliché girl things and talked about our ex-boyfriends, and our best and worst dates. Then this morning I was messaging my bestie from back home about other boy issues and I came to the following conclusion: Being over someone and being ready to move on are 2 totally different things.

16/9/13

 I worked for 12 hours today and was completely exhausted. I spent the end of last week sick and then partied way to hard for my own good on Saturday night. Anyway as I drifted off to bed last night I grew extremely nostalgic for Albania. All I wanted was to be in my apartment with the patio door opened sitting and drinking wine and reading a book, or eating Jimmy’s while enjoying a nice conversation with my friends. Or to be sitting at umbrellas after work eating quofte, and drinking dollar stellas.  But you can never go back, you can only go forward. So I try to enjoy the now. Meaning I try to enjoy the gross beer, the rice, and the chats with my friends here. Only 2 weeks ‘til vacation!!

22/9/13

Today I am missing home in a very different way than I have ever missed it before. I’m used to being either completely content with my life, or missing home like crazy to the point of wanting to break my contract and head home. Today however I am completely content with my life here. I’ve had a splendid weekend with my friends, and I’m thinking I could do this teaching abroad thing for a long time. That being said, all I really want to do with my Sunday afternoon is teleport home to bake cookies with my mom, or to walk to get coffee or a beer with my brother. I’m confused, and I feel disconnected from myself and who I am right now. I don’t think I’ve ever deserved or needed a vacation as bad as I do right now. 1 week to go!

30/9/13

I spent my first weekend of my holiday in awesome company. My friend Chris just finished a CELTA course in Vietnam and decided to take a month off to travel before beginning work. Lucky for me, he decided to make Indonesia his destination. On Saturday I met him at about 11:00, and we then headed to a water park to celebrate my friend Morgan’s birthday. I had a bit too much to drink the night before (celebrating the end of term and whatnot) and so the day was a little rough. It ended with us watching scary movies and fireworks out the window. The next morning I woke up completely exhausted as I had been up all night battling with nausea and twangs of pain in my stomach. Welcome 3^rd world stomach bug number 2! After contemplating in my mind my options for the morning I hopped out of bed and got ready to head to a charity walk. (The other option was to lay in bed and think about my illness.) The walk was great and made me feel much better. We spent the rest of the day lounging, and in the evening met up with our friends for some coffee. At one point yesterday Chris told me that I had a great group of friends here. He is completely right, and I think I’ll gladly keep them all.

6/10/13

About 2 weeks ago I met this awesome guy from Texas. He taught me great life lessons and convinced me that someday I want to have a child of my own. Here we go world. I’m telling you that I made a decision about this. We’ll see if it sticks. Anyway after knowing him for only two weeks I had to say goodbye as he is going back to Texas. I think it is strange how you can meet these random people in life, and they can affect you in random ways and then boom: they are gone. Kind of really incredible.

I'll keep working on it. 

15/10/13

Feeling depressed. Listening to depressing music. What is wrong with me. Time to get back to the healthy lifestyle of working out, drinking water, sleeping, and eating fruits and veggies instead of carbs. Rainy season is coming. Better keep my Vitamin D. Last night I forced myself to go to the gym and felt so much better afterwards. I think I’m addicted to it. Not a bad addiction I must say. If I throw one part of my routine off right now I shut down. I’ve become more flexible as a teacher, but not as a person.

17/10/13

I’m just reflecting on some quality advice my mother sent me, in relation to my last post. It is so good that I have decided to share it with the world.

 “Serious and not so serious, you are learning from life experiences. You are always becoming a new person. I still am, and when someone loves you they allow that. Loving is not about you, it is really about the other person, and giving the best of you to them to make them a better person and vice a versa. Someone falls in love with giving themselves to you and letting you do the same in return. That is the reason so many people feel young love is so dangerous. I think all love is dangerous, but once you commit to doing it you go with the changes in one another and make it work. Sometimes it’s amazing and sometimes it’s really hard.” I don’t feel that much of this pertains to me right now. I'm far in between my past love and love in the future, but I thought it was too good to not share.

19/10/13

I keep wanting to write. I’m going through something. Something confusing. Maybe I’ve just been here long enough to get into that “I hate it phase.” Or leaving the city for 2 weeks and getting out in nature made me realize how much I hate it. Except I don’t hate it. In Albania I cried all the time, but I have still only cried twice since arriving here. What?!?!? Last night I had a long chat with my friends from Albania (I got to talk to all 3) and I started really missing it. We all discussed the things we loved about it, and the things that made it better than where we are now. I totally the miss the freedom of our traveling via car, the beer (surprise), and the freedom to walk everywhere. It seems I took some things for granted. I wonder what I’m taking for granted here? The pineapple and papaya for sure.

To end on a positive note: I have some kick ass friends. One saw I was upset, and going through a rough patch and drove out of his way to bring me chocolate. I also spent the day exploring the ex-pat part of the city with Angie. I bought some cute dresses, roamed the ex-pat grocery store debating acceptable prices for cheese, and acceptable cheating for my diet, discovered some delicious places for American breakfast, and purchased 2 books to get myself out of my watching TV all the time funk. TV is not living. I have to DO SOMETHING! Something to improve myself and my mind.