Mount Bromo

The three of us woke up at about 7 to finish packing and head to the train station. As always we were way ahead of schedule, so I sat down to eat the best chocolate donut of my life. The train was actually very nice. We traveled executive class, so they had individual seats, pillows, air conditioning, and tv. They played Mr. Bean and a documentary about Indonesia, but mostly I just passed the time reading. When we arrived in Probolinngo we caught a small van/car to the "bus station." Basically a guy ripped us off and took us to a travel agent, so we ended up paying a bit more to get a private van with 2 fellow travelers who were on their honeymoon. What a fantastic honeymoon! Before leaving we decided to eat some food and stocked our bellies full of this delicious nasi, which was basically noodles and rice covered in peanut sauce, all for the equivalent of 50 cents. It was so good!

The trip up the mountainside was rough, mostly because it was raining and our driver was super crazy! It was a good thing we all never get carsick anymore thanks to Albanian roads.
Once at our hotel we checked in, figured out our plans for the following day, and headed out to get hiking supplies(food) and enjoyable evening on our patio supplies (beer.) The evening was spent just talking, while looking out over the mountainside and sipping beers/smoking cigarettes. Eventually we went and got some dinner at the restaurant. This place served the second best bowl of chicken noodle soup I have ever had! (My mom's wins) Plus, it was cold and rainy, so soup was the perfect meal. It was all I ate the entire weekend, other than snacks and the free breakfast.

hiking boots where they belong!!

We went to bed at around 9 and woke up at midnight to set out for our hike to the top of the mountain. I was so groggy and felt disgusting, but the hike under the moonlight and stars was surprisingly welcomed. The mist kept coming and covering up all of our sight and then all the sudden it would clear and you'd look up and be dumbfounded at how gorgeous the mountain looked in the moonlight. We were so hot hiking that we ended up doing the majority of the 7km in just our t-shirts. I couldn't believe that anyone had told me I'd need a winter jacket. It took far less time to reach the top than we thought it would so we had to sit there from 2:30 to 5:00 with nothing to do but kick back and drink whiskey, which made me feel groggier. I was finally chilled to the bone and really wishing I had a cuddle buddy.

hiking boots at the top!

We spent the time sharing stories from Albania, including a list of all the random places I had peed. I did my best to walk around and do some jumping, and eventually some ladies came down from further up the mountainside to set up a coffee/hot noodle warung. That was the best cup of coffee I have ever had, though in reality it was just instant coffee in the right time and place. It was so misty and cloudy, that we didn't get to see the sunrise, but we did get to see the light rise through the mist, and eventually the clouds cleared enough to allow us to get some nice pictures.

The hike back down the mountainside was gorgeous. I think I'll just let the pictures do the talking for this one.

Robert's photo of us on the way back down

Beautiful!

14 kilometers down, a whole volcano to go! Next on the agenda was a breakfast of coffee and noodles at the hotel, followed by a hike across the valley to the volcano. When I first found out I was coming to Jakarta and started doing research, one of the main things that peaked my interest was volcano hiking. I'm so glad I finally got to do this!

sacrifices on the mountain

The hike across the valley was quick and painless. We passed the time tossing around volcanic rocks, which weight very little. You can throw the big ones and still feel the earth rumble under your feet. It's pretty cool. The hike to the top was exhausting, especially the 141 steps (I counted) but well worth the view. All along the volcano rim people had left sacrifices of food, flowers, money, and incense. One man was walking into the crater to pick up trash. What a crazy!!!

We decided to take an unmarked path back down which was the best decision ever. We spent our time in the volcano path just exploring until we managed to come out just before it started to sprinkle. The hike back across the valley was quick and followed by the absolute worst part: the hike up the mountain to get to the hotel. Going down had been bad enough, but the hike up left me drenched in sweat and feeling like I was going to pass out.

Roberts photo of me on the way down!

Upon reaching the room I chugged water and lay on the bed for about 30 minutes before we all went to the restaurant for lunch. Unfortunately it was Friday and prayer time so we spent the next hour drinking beer and playing cards while we waited for the cook to get back and make us chicken noodle soup and a fruit platter. I was in desperate need for something other than carbs, which was hard to come by. At this point we went back to our room to sleep until morning.

I was woke up 2 hours later (5:30pm) by some very loud children, and my grumbling belly. Its surprising how hungry hiking 25KM(15 miles) will make you. So we went back down to the restaurant for more soup and coffee, and Scott and Robert managed to find me chocolate cookies to satisfy my cravings. Then we were able to sleep until 6am the next day.

Faces were stuffed with more noodles, eggs, and coffee and we met a very nice girl from the Netherlands on our shuttle to the train. We spent our 3 hours at the train station drinking beer and coffee. Scott managed to find me an apple and I was lucky enough to hear an ice cream cart so I could finally get the ice cream I had been craving. I also made really good friends with this cat at the train station and let her play with my broken purse for about 30 minutes.

Kitty!

My body is sore all over, but I'm surprised I'm not in more pain. I think my ass hurts the most. I am writing this blog on a train(thanks technology!)  We are heading back to Surabaya to pick up our laundry, order McDonalds, and re-pack. We leave for Bali at 3am tomorrow morning!

Albanian Reunion!

I woke up early and exhausted from staying up texting the night before my flight. Damn you technology, wandering mind, excellent conversations, and bottle of whiskey! My airport tradition is donuts and coffee, however I managed to completely forget to purchase one until I was past security and unable to go back and grab one. I sat and watched How I Met Your Mother on my computer until the flight boarded, and then attempted to snooze a bit on the flight. They first thing I did upon landing was purchase a donut and coffee. Robert was waiting on the other side of baggage claim with a large hug and big smile. It was excellent to just be in a cab talking to him for an hour or so, catching up on life. After arriving at the apartment we headed out on the bike in search of decently priced liquor. We were largely successful, and I really enjoyed the limited traffic and cruising on the back of the bike.

Post successful journey I was hungry, so we walked across the street to the mall and had a Quickly bubble tea with mint extract and chicken salad at a restaurant. The restaurant had board games on the table, so we got to play snakes and ladders while we waited. I also got to ride the biggest escalator in Southeast Asia. It took forever and Robert and I ended up walking down it, instead of waiting. When we arrived back home, Scott came soon after and we, of course started drinking our bottle of whiskey! Robert and Scott also managed to make a super delicious dinner of chicken curry while we drank, and when we were part way through the whiskey we got to skype with Cortney! All 4 of us back together again! Technology rocks! The cards came out and we played presidents and assholes while we finished the whiskey and started the gin. Scott had to work the next morning, so at around 10 he headed to bed and Robert and I decided to head out to purchase cigarettes at a Warung(small local food/coffee/cigarette shop) and go for a swim.

Ermagherd! Indernesier!!!!

We sat down at the Warung to have a coffee with some of the locals and one of them gave us a present! After finishing our coffee we took the presents back to the apartment and jumped into the pool to do the typical Tiara/Robert late night soul-mate chat. It was wonderful and I confessed my deepest secret to him, and when I did he told me that my face showed it, and all my worries and doubts faded.

The bad decisions continued when we realized we were out of cigarettes, and we decided to head back out on the bike in the rain to get more. We stopped on the grass barrier in the middle of the road to lay on the grass and smoke in our soaking wet clothes. At this point we checked the time and opted to head to bed since it was 2:00 am.

I woke up the next morning feeling not super awesome, but good considering the night before. After a few cups of coffee we managed to get our shit together and headed to a very hung-over breakfast at McDonalds, and then back over to the liquor store to stock up on booze for the next two weeks.

Eventually we managed to get back to the house and continued to lay around and do nothing for the whole day. I had no energy to pack or accomplish anything of sorts, but we did sit down to discuss our trip for the next few days and I got some Scott and Robert cuddle time, followed by an airport skype chat with my new favorite person.

right where we belong!

Titi (the secretary at Scott’s school) came over and ordered pizza for us and we partook of almost all the pizza, but made sure to save just enough for breakfast. The rest of the evening consisted largely of doing nothing, which was just what we needed.

It feels strange to be in the company of old friends in a new place. I missed them so much, and sometimes I feel like nothing has changed and other times I feel like everything has changed. There are great little indications of Albania around the apartment, and Scott and Robert have, of course, managed to hang a giant map of Indonesia up, and get pets! I feel so insanely happy and lucky to be here! Tomorrow I set out to hike up an active volcano!!!!

Selamat Hari Natal!

Friends and Family,

I hope these words find you all in good health and spirits. Life just keeps moving like a roller coaster and I can’t tell from one day to the next when it will slow down, or whether I’ll be chugging up to the top, or screaming in joy to the bottom. I kicked off the 2013 year losing and finding myself on the streets of European cities with my brother. We spent time sipping wine in Madrid, enjoying beer in Belgium, drinking coffee in Amsterdam, exploring the monuments and partying in Germany (which is my favorite country ever) and sledding down the Swiss Alps. We managed to cram all this into about 12 days thanks to the awesome train systems, and our ability to survive on little sleep and espressos in between. Unforgettable. 

   

In the spring I was able to take a road trip to Montenegro and Bosnia and Herzegovina with some fellow teachers and new friends. We spent our time on the coastline in Montenegro, and hiked to the top of a fortress. After exploring the history of Bosnia through a 10 hour tour in Mostar, and a far shorter tour of Sarajevo I was left with some sort of emotional attachment to the country. It has such a remarkable history that I never would have acknowledged if I hadn’t traveled there.

Montenegro

From January to May I continued to teach 1^st grade and began my final college course to receive my Masters of Education. I decided to begin applying for jobs in other countries, in hopes of expanding my experiences and advancing my career with professional development. I finished up my spring in Albania, traveling to Permet, Kosovo, and Berat, which included a rafting trip in the Osumi Canyon (amazing!) I ended my contract 3 weeks early to head back to the US and prepare to move to Indonesia, where I accepted a job, teaching grade 1 at a school called Royal Primary Academy.

Goodbye celebrations

Though my time in the states was short, it was precisely what I needed. I spent the greater part of it with family, drinking IPAs and eating all the food I had craved. While there I realized that someday, eventually, I hope to live back in the US, preferably in the Midwest near my family, but for now my explorations of this vast world continue. Also, no promises as my dreams seem to often change.

Beach time with my favorite kidos :)

I flew to Jakarta on July 1^st and began my new job on July 4^th. The job has been a lot more demanding than in Albania, but also far more advantageous to my professional growth. The adjustment to living in Jakarta was much easier, and I have made yet another great cluster of friends.

Friends!

I’ve done a bit of traveling around the city, and to a few trip to the Thousand Islands just off the coast. By far the best trip was to Jogjakarta, which is famous for holding the largest Buddhist temple in the world. Visiting all the temples and the surrounding nature helped me soak up a bit of the culture, though I have only skimmed the surface of all that is here.

Arjuna Temple 

As you can guess the last year of my life has been quite life changing in many ways. I’ve studied a lot and discovered many new things about myself, including a few things I realize will never change. I will always be a beer drinking, bluegrass loving, Packer fan, however, I continue to set goals and push my limits. So what’s next, you may ask. I’d love to answer that question, but cannot. Jakarta until July 2015 and then we will see.

Holiday Photo

“You cannot escape life however you may try. As long as you live, whether in a town or in a cave, you have to face it and live it. Real life is the present moment—not the memories of the past, which is dead and gone, nor the dreams of the future, which is not yet born. One who lives in the present moment lives the real life, and he is happiest.”

    

So I aim to live in the present, though, try as I might, is harder than it seems. There is so much left to discover about the world, and myself. So I’m trying to live by a few new ideas and philosophies:

In that last year I have been surrounded by beauty so many times, and I continue to appreciate how insanely lucky I am to be 23 and living out my dreams, with the incredible support from my friends and family, old and new.

This Christmas I will be traveling with some friends from Albania to Mount Bromo to watch the sunset at the top. Then we will head to the beaches of Bali, Lombok, and the Gili Islands. If you find yourself in the neighborhood of Southeast Asia stop by! We have an extra bed and a couch.

With all my love,
One very happy girl!

Folkie

After perusing my most recent playlist at the gym this morning I realized that I can no longer claim that bluegrass is my favorite music. I am officially a Folkie, aka a folk music fan.

Basically I make these mixes by adding a song to them when I realize I'm in love with it. I fall in love. A lot. With songs that is. They are my favorite thing in the whole wide world. One of the hardest things about living abroad is finding and discovering music. Thankfully I've managed to discover 8-tracks, and I have the best brother in the whole wide world who add music to my drop-box for me at the most needed times. The following songs are my favorites on my Indonesia mix, which is a work in progress, still after 5 months.

This is my most recent love. My brother dropped it in my box 2 days ago and I know all of the lyrics. My roommate even recognizes it. Put it on repeat right?
Quotable:
"As I sit on the edge of this dirty old bar
Trying to work some things out and not getting too far
As I drown out the voices that are keeping me down
There's a muse all alone on the other side of town
And if I was thinking I'd be thinking thank God, whoever you are
For all the whiskey in this dirty old bar.
The times like these, so sad and so true
Thinkins the last thing that you want to do."
Sometimes I just wish I could get out of my head and enjoy things as they come. I tend to way over-analyze everything. Incredible moments happen and I feel like I'm on the brink of discovering something about myself, but I just can't grasp it. Maybe I need to drink more whiskey or find some dirtier bars.

I have days dedicated to Bob Dylan now. I always enjoyed his music, but since moving to Indonesia I have been falling in love with songs all the time. This song is the ultimate break-up song, and while I haven't broken up with anyone in a very long time, I truly feel the lyrics of this song now.
Quotable: "Well it ain't no use to sit and wonder why babe."
               "I'm walking down that long and lonesome road babe.
                Where I'm bound I just can't tell."

Last year, post Christmas trip I listened to one Willy tea song on repeat 76 times without a break. I was obsessed. I finally purchased an album upon my arrival here. My mix currently has 3 Willy Tea songs on it.
Quotable: "I ain't perfect you can tell by my songs."

Sufjan is probably one of the best artists ever. When I listen to his music, I always have to pause what I'm doing and just feel it. And I always seem to find lyrics I want to get tattooed on my body. Dang!
Quotable: "Trusting things beyond mistake."

Another Year of Being Thankful: New Tradition

The last two years, for Thanksgiving, I've made a list of the top 10 things I was thankful for. The lists were drastically different and similar. But really I much prefer to be thankful all the time. And so, I'm going to deviate from this tradition this year and make a list of the top ten moments when I stood back in awe of my life, and was truly thankful for who I was. I was going to do the top ten moments of my life ever, but lets be realistic that was just too hard, so I give you the top ten moments since Thanksgiving 2012:

10. The moment Trampled by Turtles played my song- I had been screaming for it. It was my 3rd time seeing them and hoping for my song. I NEEDED to hear it, and they played it. Feeling music through every inch of your body: this is incredible. Plus I did it with an IPA in my hand!

9. Rocking out to music while slipping through the Balkan Alps- Random new friends, beauty all around me, screaming pop songs at the top of my lungs while almost sliding of the side of a mountain.

yep this is real. We ate lunch here. with this view.photo compliment of Katie Parrott, random new friend who I will probably never see again. Life is crazy.

8. Watching my awesome friends bowling 6 weeks into my time in Indonesia- it is incredible how 6 weeks can change you, and how you can build something from nothing. Several times I have had this apprehension that I came to a new country with nothing, and made a whole life out of myself and a suitcase. That is astonishing.

7. Hops and Barley conversation with Daryn- We talked about our future and our hopes and dreams. We discussed who we are and nearly broke down in the middle of the bar, ultimately opting to hold all our emotions in for our goodbye 4 days later. Talking with my best friend the way that we had before I left gave me some sort of contentment.

 

Love it! Miss it....

6. Jumping into the freezing cold ocean water under the moonlight, stark naked in Montenegro- The stars, that cold water, and my soul mate with me. Some moments in life are unforgettable. And to think this was just the first night of a fantastic 10 day long trip.

We may have had some drinks....

5. Listening to the call to prayer at the Environmental Film Festival-This was one of these moments: “Holy shit! I’m here. In Albania. Sitting outside, watching a film on a large screen. I have a beer in one hand and a cigar in the other, and both cost me $3. How the fuck did I get here?”

4. Sobbing my eyes out in the basement of my home after saying goodbye to Daryn- Realizing that all of the emotions I had gone through in the last year were going to happen all over again, fear enveloped every part of me. This brought me to the point of understanding that I have become a stronger, more capable person. Once again realizing the beauty of unconditional love that reaches no limits, and the blessings I have been given in the form of family. This cry session was, of course, followed up by a hug from my mother. So many times in Albania I had needed that hug, and it was so nice to get it in a moment of complete brokenness and fear.

3. Looking at the stars on Belitung Island- Grateful for my love of nature, and the opportunities I've been given. Dumbfounded at how unimportant I am in this world, like the tiny grains of sand in my hand. Marveling at how far I’ve managed to come, and knowing that I must endure many more waves before reaching the shore of my dreams.

2. On the train ride from Switzerland to Milan- I said goodbye to my brother for possibly a very long time, but there was something marvelous about the goodbye. Florim( Daryn’s friend who we stayed with) said something that will forever change the way I feel about goodbyes: He told me that goodbye are a completely genuine snapshot of what you really feel about someone. They are beautiful because you have to show your truest form of emotion and can’t hold anything back. After I got on my train, there was a beautiful sunset over the Alps, and it was a reminder of the loveliness of relationships and the magnificence of the earth, and the splendor of changing time. Though I knew in that moment the relationship I shared with Daryn would never be the same, but I knew it would always be there. The juxtaposition of change and permanence all in one was overwhelming.

love you forever!

1. Drinking Gin and Tonics on top of a random deserted roof-
Somehow after a night at Public House, Robert and I ended up wandering the streets alone looking for a drink at 3am. After getting turned down, because everything was closing, we were only able to get drinks to-go and managed to find a deserted building with a rocky set of stairs to enjoy our gin and tonics. We climbed the stairs and sat down to talk out some serious shit. As soul mates, we did this several times in Albania, but this is the only time I can recall sobbing while doing so. We both placed all of our insecurities on the table for each other to see. It had been a seriously long time since I had been that trustworthy with anyone about who I was and what I was feeling. I think this is when I really started to let go of my past and be content and confident with myself. 

Really, it is all just zeros and ones.

Untitled Blog Post #3

25/10/13

Every once in awhile I get blown away with this feeling that I am home. I think strange thoughts, about things I’m not capable of doing. Today I just wanted to pick up the phone to call my best friend, and for a moment I almost actually reached for the phone. But it’s 4:30am back home and everyone is fast asleep. On Sunday I almost got up to grab my iPod and got for a walk outside because I was sick of watching TV. Some nights I still think about grabbing a jacket to go over my dress when it cools off in the evening.

28/10/13

Sometimes I look at people’s engagement pictures, wedding pictures, or family pictures and wonder if that is what I should be doing with my life. I want some fragment of it, but it’s not quite clear yet how that picture and my picture will be twisted together. Both are dreams, and both have broken me open. Only one has become something more. Only one has healed me after a fracture. Am I ready to unfasten myself again? Am I ready to be cracked again? Am I whole enough to do so? The fact that I’m even asking screams the obvious answer. It advises me to focus on my secondary dream, the one that has got me somewhere.

5/11/13

I’m in that point here where I keep thinking that when I’m done with my contract I will just go home. I’m frustrated with the fact that I’m losing part of who I am. But, am I really? Or am I gaining a new part of myself. Am I changing for the better or for the worse?

6/11/13

I’m doing great and fine until I see someone has “checked-in” at a great brewery in the cities, or until I seeing a picture that contains transforming fall colors, or worse yet, until I watch a movie enveloped in the classic American holiday storyline of family being frayed, and broken but brought back together just in time for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Then all I really want to do is fly home to my roots and take part in some typical traditions that now mock me, and my prior displeasure with them.   Someone take media away from me.

9/11/13

When I look at pictures of our past I can now smile and acknowledge that though we are not meant to be together now or forever, we were meant to be together then. You had a extensive influence on my life, and I’m thankful for the lessons I learned a long the way.

14/11/13

I spent a good 30 minutes looking at flights home. I told myself if the prices got under $1500 I’d buy a ticket. I found one for $1700. Let’s be realistic. Even if I found a ticket for less than $1000 I wouldn’t actually buy it. I’m just in a mood. Christmas sounds great. I never felt this way until I moved away from home and the traditions. Now all I want is home and the traditions.

15/11/13

Mental breakdown? Check. I don’t know what it is about this week. I’m sitting in my bed, drinking Bintang, re-reading blog post from Albania and realizing how absolutely insane my life is. For real am I depressed? My life is incredible in every single way possible! Get out of this funk Tiara.  I’m out doing this thing called life, and I mean really doing it. And that is more than the majority of the rest of the world can say, so I’m gonna keep doing it!

22/11/13

Among finally figuring out travel plans for Christmas, and being able to go away for the weekend (even though it isn’t anywhere new) something has clicked inside of me. 3 weeks until I’m on vacation, 3 weeks and 4 days until I leave for my adventure and I cannot wait to see old friends in new places.

24/11/13

This weekend I was able to get out of Jakarta to an island. I spent my weekend lounging around reading in hammocks on beaches and drinking beer while watching stars with a new friend. On the way home I was laying down on the back of a crappy slow moving boat, with my iPod turned all the way up and the wind blowing over, and cooling off my body. Meanwhile I was watching Angie sit on the back of the boat talking animatedly to our new friend and Herning next to me discussing relationships with another new friend. It is just incredible that I didn’t know these people 2 days ago and we are already making plans to hang out with them again. “Like a Rolling Stone” came on and I just couldn’t help but think about the fact that I have no idea what is going to happen in my life, let alone 1 year, let alone 1 month. You meet people, and they open your mind in new ways. You go places and your life is changed. It is completely unpredictable and amazing. Anything is possible!

Oh, the places you'll go!

So I've had some serious debating today about whether to go home for Christmas or stay here. Basically my original Christmas plans fell through, and I was confused about what to do with myself for 5 whole weeks. Everyone kept saying I should just go home, since I have been so homesick and unhappy lately.

While laying awake in bed last night trying my best to fall asleep at a decent hour for once, I had this realization that everyone assumes my unhappiness and homesickness are the same thing. Let's get one thing straight people. They are not the same thing. 

My homesickness comes in random waves. I crave things. Or I think to myself how nice it would be to do something. Sometimes my homesickness last 30 seconds, if it gets really bad it can last a whole day. I miss home, but this is not my reason for being unhappy with my life here at the moment.

My unhappiness is due to my lack of fulfillment. I wake up, go to work, come home, go to gym, work, and go to bed. Every weekend I sit and watch TV and maybe go out to one of 4 bars. This is not the life I want. I was okay with it when I first got here because I was meeting people, learning my way around, picking up little tid-bits of information.

The unhappiness comes in waves as well. I'll get stuck in my rut. Then I'll get out and explore, or I'll write, or I'll read. I force myself to walk and get a coffee, or message a friend to meet for a beer. Sometimes I just need one really good day of teaching, or one really good meal/drink/coffee out with friends. Something that isn't routine/related to my apartment. Then the unhappiness subsides for a few days.

The only real problem I have is when the unhappiness comes at the same time as the homesickness. So I'm working on ways to feel full. And I know that the homesickness will never really go completely away, and I'm okay with that. It will get better. I will miss things less, and I will be okay (just as I have been) with living without, though, I could go for some red vines about now. Pineapple will have to to.

So for Christmas? My parents offered to pay for half my plane ticket home. I spent all day considering this possibility, amazed at the fact that I could be home 4 weeks from now. Or.....well let's just say my selfish bone won out once again. I want to go home for a weekend, but I'm not prepared for 3 whole weeks again. It's too soon.

Jakarta-->Surabaya--> Mount Bromo-->Bali-->Lombok-->Gili Islands-->Surabaya-->Jakarta.

Plans made, nothing booked. See y'all on the flip side 'Merica (aka summer 2015.)

Also this book must be a biography about my life:

Things I am taking for granted

About 2 months into my time here I began to really miss things from Albania. Now that I'm getting annoyed and maybe bored with my life here it is time to realize that Indonesia has some pretty awesome benefits. I don't want to make the same mistake twice, so I making this list as a reminder of the great things I need to be gracious for.

Tropical Fruits- OH MY GOD! Every time I cut up a pineapple I say "This is the best pineapple I have ever had!" I think I eat half of one everyday. Salak right off of the tree was incredible. Jackfruit is good, fresh and cooked. Many I haven't even learned the name of yet. There is something similar to a passion fruit, only more citrusy. I love putting this is yogurt. The mangos and papaya. All items I did not get often in America, and could not find in Albania. Avocados were hard to come by at a decent price in Albania, and when I returned to America I made so many batches of guacamole. Lucky for me I am managing to find them at a decent price here. Most restaurants also have Avocado juice available, which I find insanely spectacular! I might be taking full advantage of this one, but it will be top on the list of things I miss when I leave.

My students- Though work can be utterly daunting some mornings (and evenings,) I love all of my students to death. From the smarty pants, to the misbehaver, to the one has made minimal gains. I'm proud of how they are growing and learning and can't wait to stick around and see how they are when they finish grade 2.

Inexpensive self-care- by this I mean things like manis and pedis, hair cuts, and most importantly massages. I need to do these things more often, at least if I find them relaxing.

The extensive restaurants and food culture- When I first got here I was in a health nut craze, and now I'm in a "comforts from home" phase where I eat processed and greasy crap all the time. This city is booming with restaurants, and exploding with food from around the world. I need to get out of my funk of eating at the same places, drinking starbucks coffee, and pumping my body full of the same food everyday. I'm empty, and part of that has to do with my ridiculously boring routine.

My Indonesian friends- These people are so kind, and reliable. My partner teacher often puts in more than double the work I do, and supports me around every tough situation. I would be so lost without her. The Tots crew always plans things for us, including a whole week-long holiday. They call and translate when we need help, show us the best restaurants and places to go, and give us advice about dealing with our rough patches and where to find the things we need to survive. You guys are seriously fantastic! (Ex-pat friends, you rock too) :)

My Salary- I live a life of luxury here. I eat out at nice restaurants. I buy nice quality groceries and fresh foods. I've bought almost a completely new wardrobe. I've done some awesome traveling. And still, I have managed to save almost as much as I did a whole year in Albania. If I can start putting a little more aside I can cut a serious wedge into my student loans, and still continue to be awesome of course. 5 years from now I could be debt free and saving. Life is good.

The Places I Can Travel- There is a lot of opportunity here. I think I just need a good vacation to remind me of that. 4 weeks from now I'll be prepping for a big trip!

P1 Romances

It has been said that the students in my classroom have more relationship problems than I do. Some days I take this as a blessing and other days I hide my head in shame at my inability to push myself into the challenge of building a romance. My friends back home are constantly messaging me asking me for advice after dates with various male specimen they find at bars, coffee shops, the gym, or online. If only it was this simple for me. I swear they have done more dating in the last month than I have in my entire life. Seriously ya'll! I have no experience!

I found this interesting article about expat dating in Indonesia and found myself able to relate to the majority of it.
http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2011/04/28/loveless-across-borders.html

One boy in our classroom asked if I was married and when I responded with no he said," It's alright Miss, you can choose a man tomorrow." As if it is as simple as choosing what to wear for the day or what to have for breakfast.

This has nothing to do with this post or my life. I guess that I feel like if I were to fall in love right now I'd definitely feel like I had done something terrible. I mostly just thought this was beautiful writing.

To get back to the point, there are some very intriguing blossoming romances in P1. The other day one of our students wrote I love Tammy, (using pseudonyms here) and my partner teacher pulled him aside to ask him about it. He told her that he had loved Tammy since K1 (2 years ago) and that once he had told her that she had beautiful eyes, but that Tammy had simply replied with "What are you talking about?" Ria (my partner) then went on to say I need to find a man who compliments me on my eyes. Now, to be honest men have complimented me on my eyes and I have done, more or less, nothing about it. *sigh* To get back to the point....

There are more P1 romances being cooked up. Tammy has admitted that she likes a different boy in our class! (More like there was a note in her bag with the boy's name inside a heart.) The craziness of it! Love triangles! Between 5 and 6 year olds!  I also heard one of the other female students whispering about her boyfriend to another classmate. I have no idea who her "boyfriend" is, but I have my guesses. Another one of our students is very clearly in love with a 4th grader. She will constantly remark that he carries her bag for her, walks her to her door (they live in the same building) and he helps her with her homework. Once again I was told I need a man like this. I'm working on it world!

Then we have another 2 students who are clearly in a relationship. they always play together during snack time, and have been caught holding hands. One time Frank tried to help Shannon with her math work and told her to try harder because he needed to have a smart girlfriend.

When one of the single boys in our class started to realize couples were pairing off he was quick to mention it to his best friend, who happens to be another boy. Allan noted all the partnerships to Robby and then said they must stick together.

Among all this craziness of 6 year old romances I have learned a few things about relationships at all ages:

1. Females prefer mature, and smart males who treat them with courtesy.
2. Females don't take compliments well.
3. Relationships are complicated and it is guaranteed that some people will get hurt.
4. The fun you have along the way makes the hurt worth it.
5. Relationships comes in all shapes and sizes and you can never recreate one.
6. Some feelings cannot be erased by time.
7. Love/Infatuation makes us do crazy things.
8. No one wants to end up alone.
9. The heart wants what it wants.
10. Everyone believes in love at some point in their life.

So, while I may be either envious of my students, or content to be without their drama, they have managed to teach me a little something this week.

Nowhere (Wo)Man

It has been a rough week to say the least. Monday I was frustrated by the inability of certain people to do their jobs, and I spent a good portion of my Monday and Tuesday trying to make up for their lack of efforts. It all turned out fine in the end, but you could absolutely say that efforts may often go unnoticed here. Not really the issue at hand, so I'll digress.

I have been dealing with culture shock in nearly every way possible: My emotions are a roller-coaster waiting to de-rail. My body is craving anything and everything. I eat chocolate cake for breakfast and ice cream for dinner. My thoughts are obsessive. I decided I wanted to learn how to clog and spent a good 2 hours emailing dance studios about where to find tap shoes (none have responded.) My body is deformed. I'm putting on fat, my stomach is adjusting to the food and water by rebelling against me with nausea and diarrhea. I'm always exhausted, and I'm not sleeping. My head pounds with a migraine that has lasted for a week straight. I am annoyed with everything about the city that surrounds me. On Friday I went to try and mail a package home, and returned home with the package in my hands, soaking wet. Partially from the rain I walked home in, but mostly from the sweat that had dripped down my back from the exhausting 30 minute walk in my high heels on broken sidewalks, and around 10cm high puddles from the torrential rain I was almost stuck in, as I tried aimlessly to hail a cab. I screamed out my frustrations adding in a swear word here and there for effect.

I F#$%ING HATE IT HERE! I'M F#$%ING DONE! GET ME THE F#$% OUT!

After venting to my roommate, taking some time to cool off and watching an episode of Dexter I had to force myself to cry. The tears weren't even there. I had to think of so many sad things from my past to even shed 5 small tears. What the hell is going on with me? I'm sad, but I'm not sad at all.

I re-read posts from Albania, recognizing where I'm at and convincing myself this won't last forever, it will pass and I will be in love with my life again. I'm empty. I see nothing here. No part of me exists.

The following morning we wake up to head to the botanical gardens to celebrate being in Indonesia for 4 months. The cab driver has no idea where the train station is, and has to stop to ask twice. I'm frustrated and ready to turn around and head back to my bed. Eventually we make it, find the right train (thanks to a very nice man) and hop aboard for the 75 minute ride. Once in Bogor we can't find a cab, and though we try our best, our walking efforts do not work and we are eventually picked up by a guy driving a van, 5 Kilometers from the train station. I'm frustrated with all my failed attempts at doing things on my own.

Finding Love

The gardens are wonderful. We snarf down our picnic lunch in the least picnicky spot, all while being forced to take pictures with nervous looking Indonesian children. We walk, enjoying the plants, the smell of freshness. We enjoy the sound of birds around us, and the crunching leaves under our feet, and the solitude after our multiple escapes from every group of Indonesian students that try to approach us for a picture. Finding our way home is easier, though the train is awful and packed like sardines.

Nature!

After arriving home I cook, and I mean really cook for the first time. I make pasta and chicken and veggies in an avocado cream sauce. I'm experimenting, and exploring. I want more, and convince my friends to head to a new bar though it is an hour across the city. I cannot take another night with the same awful top 40's band. I cannot take another night with the same faces, and the same lighting. I cannot stand the thought of standing outside the McDonalds trying to get a taxi home at 2 in the morning. The routine is engraved in my mind and I hate it.

I look at the menu and discover an American Pale Ale, leading to indescribable amounts of excitement. The food is exquisite and I can feel the satisfaction in my stomach. When the band finally plays I am afraid I am in love with the place. The music isn't marvelous, or anything like what I listened to back home, but it isn't Rihanna, or Bruno Mars. I get the Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Elvis, and the Doors.

I feel fulfilled, if only for a night. It is enough to sustain me.

This weekend has proven something: If I am willing to put in an adequate effort, if I am willing to take some chances and try some new things, then I will find love. And by love I mean nature, good beer and food, and decent live music.

Negotiation

I’m here. I have officially passed the honeymoon phase and reached the negotiation phase of culture shock. I am going through a bit of homesickness after a very rough few days at work. They managed to get me ALL the wrong supplies for my entry point, even after my very specific list. Needless to say, I’m wanting a ice cold IPA with a burger on the grill in my backyard. Or a coffee and pumpkin muffin stop at ERC on the way to stone arch, with each step I take crunching the leaves below my feet. Or a night of baking with a few glasses of red wine. Or a packer game with my boys. On the plus side, the packers creamed the Vikings yesterday, but did anyone have any doubts? Yeah I’m starting to really CRAVE some things.

How am I filling these voids? By trying to throw myself into further diversions. I’m trying to find good live music. For god sake, I may be joining a band, with the zero musical talent I have to offer! I’ve joined an online group to find some volunteer opportunities, though none have surfaced yet. I’m reading about Buddhism, and trying to really immerse myself in it. Do I have time for any of this? Nope. Not this term, but I need something more. I feel empty and unfulfilled now that I traveled and realized where I am living. 

The fact that this picture has orange fallen leaves is a mockery. 

So tonight after eating half a pack of Oreos to fill me up, I went to the gym. This helped immensely! Among the elliptical, tread mills, and free weights in the dark deserted gym I sang my songs. If a single person would have walked in, they either would have presumed I was the most crazy person in the world, or that they gym was haunted by a ghost.

Firstly I blasted out some great Bob Dylan. I sang the line “Get your mind off winter time, you ain’t going nowhere” with so much passion, trying to pull myself back to where I am. Summer, heat, humidity. "We'll climb that hill no matter how steep, when we get up to it."

Then I got to some of the new music my brother sent to me.

By Myself

I have been listening to this non-stop since he gave it to me. One of the songs is clearly about a girl wanting to remain single. For me? They lyrics were all about me not being able to be in a relationship with Minneapolis. It’s sad. I know. I have this bizarre need to make every song pertain to what I’m going through. In this case, Minneapolis is the boy, and I am the girl who needs to be by herself to find herself.

It begins to thunder, and lightning illuminates the darkness of the gym. Another song plays. I’m not sure what “message” is in it, but it is something.

I sing out what I am feeling. I let the emotions take over my legs, and beat them on the treadmill to the pace. I feel slightly better.

I come home and finish the pack of Oreos. I feel full. We will ignore the fact that Wikipedia says that compulsive eating and weight gain tends to accompany this phase of culture shock. I look at tickets home, just to see. 2 grand? Nah. I think I’ll do Sulawesi with my Canadian boys, and take my first solo trip. I have to remind myself why I love this. I need to feel full like I did a month ago.

I will get back on the "happy" and "fulfilled" bandwagon soon. I promise.

New Experiences

Riding a Motorbike

I just got done riding my first motorbike in Jakarta traffic. It wasn’t too bad. I volunteered at a friend’s class as he teaches adults and needed them to converse with some English speaking people they didn’t already know. Basically they tried to sell me laptops using the sales lingo/outline they had been given. I was picked up by a tiny Indonesian boy, and was running a bit late, so I hopped on with a loose helmet. 2 issues: I couldn’t see because of my stupid bangs (not a real problem since I wasn’t driving) and due to my long white legs, and the fact that I was wearing wedges my legs went far above this short guys arms/shoulders. I’m freakishly tall here. He had to hold his arms up above my legs, straining to reach the handles of the bike. It also started raining (only a bit.) On the way home it was much more comfortable as I was behind a tall white dude. Morgan went a bit faster (there wasn’t as much traffic) so I actually had to hold on a bit. It wasn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be, and it felt so nice to have wind blowing on me that wasn’t air-conditioned. I’d like to get a bike just for the fun of driving it around. I know I wouldn’t get anywhere, and the chances of ending up back home and alive would be small. Mostly because I cannot seem to create a map of this city in my mind, and I wouldn’t have the first clue how to drive, or drive in the awful traffic of the city.

typical 

Indonesian Wedding

One of my co-workers got married! Lucky for me I was invited to the wedding. Here, they invite everyone. I was also invited to my student’s sisters wedding, but I will not be attending. I was really excited to get the cultural experience. Some interesting things I learned:

1. The dress/customs depend largely on which area of Indonesia one is from. For example, the wedding I attended was a Balinese wedding, meaning that the family was from Bali, they had dancers from Bali, and they wore lots of flowers in their slicked back and painted on hair. I was shown pictures of a wedding in Sulawesi and their dress was quite different, and they always wear red on their wedding day.
2. They don’t dance at their receptions. They have performers dance for you, but there is no dance floor or dancing music.
3. You eat standing. There was a ton of food, and all was very delicious, but there were no tables to sit down on. I simply got a plate of food (followed by 3 more) and held my plate in front of me while eating.
4. It isn’t customary to give presents, only cash. The amount is pretty standard unless you are a family member, then it changes based on your social status.
5. The bride always changes after the ceremony. They wear white dress for the ceremony, but change to a different dress for the reception. 

moving slowly

I’m sure there was more, but that is all I can seem to remember.  We arrived early, and were eventually let into the hall. The couple and family walking in, down an aisle very, very, extremely slowly and then sat on the stage for the performances.  3 dances took place, all from Bali. One of the performances consisted of a man dressed as a woman and I’m not sure of the symbolism of this. Then we all walked on the stage to offer congratulations and get pictures taken. It was quite the hassle to get the entire Royal Academy staff that attending in one picture, but we managed.  

performance number 3

The next part was the best part: food! They had SOOOOOOO much food. I began with a pork/chicken creamy soup with a puff pastry on top. Then I moved on to some Dim Sum, before hitting the full course buffet of veggies, rice, chicken cordon blue, shrimp, beef lasagnaish dish (it wasn’t made with noodles and was spicy) and french fries. At this point I was already quite full and luckily Jackson came and offered me one sate ayam (chicken sate) so I wouldn’t have to eat a whole platter. I moved onto the dessert table where there was a delicious bread pudding dish, with cinnamon and raisins. On the way home we asked what this dish was made out of and they said it is actually coconut baked for a very long time in cream. It was divine, and I had 2 servings before moving on to the very sweet coconut milk ice cream. At this point I reached capacity and chugged a glass of water. I should also note that not a drop of alcohol was served. It was a wonderful evening with my co-workers and I’m very thankful to have experienced it.

Solo Run Outside

Most weekends Angie and I have been trying to meet up with our co-workers at car free morning. On Sundays they shut down the main road of the city from cars (from about 5-10am) and allow people to bike/walk/run. Quite a strange concept, but also awesome. They don’t really have parks or runnable sidewalks here, so you take what you can get. Every time I go I feel like I’m in a parade because the street is full of people, musical performers, and banners with causes. I also will commonly get asked “Miss what’s your name” by little kids, and pointed at/followed by Indonesian men. Most Sundays we meet our co-workers at the bus stop about a 15 minute walk away and ride the bus there, however we realized that we could run to the street in about 20 minutes and we always run into our coworkers miraculously anyway, so busing was pointless. We decided to simply leave the house at 5:30 and run there, run to Monas (the end of the car-free road) and then to run home, stopping to walk if we met our co-workers along the way.

On Sunday Angie woke up feeling quite ill even though we had made it to bed by 11 after zero drinks (for her) and 2 beers (for me) the night before. I was a bit disappointed but decided to go anyway, figuring I’d manage to find someone I knew. We had walked the route once in our first month here, but I was still nervous about finding my way. The streets were mostly empty on the way there, however at one point I was crossing a main road and ended up balancing my weight on the median while running to my new favorite “pump me up!” song. It was a bit nerve racking, with cars flying by on both sides of me, but I was proud of myself for finally looking the right way when crossing the road. It has been a rough transition to look the opposite way, and usually Angie has to pull me out of harms way. A few times I was nervous I was on the wrong route and would get utterly lost in the city, but I had brought a bit of money with in case I had to catch a cab home. I made it without any problems, proving that once I walk somewhere I can totally make a map in my head. I didn’t manage to meet anyone, but I did walk/run to and from Monas twice, and managed to get home by about 7:00. I’d say I put in a good 10K, and quite enjoyed some running outside time, even thought the sidewalks and crowds are crap. I’ll take what I can get.